I don't know how to communicate with people at all. How to learn to communicate with people? Secrets of correct behavior

Despite the fact that most of us like to show off our inner freedom and looseness, many people around the world still continue to suffer from excessive shyness, lack of communication and complexes. Of course, this hinders them not only in terms of their careers, but also in their personal lives.

With people? Think it's hard and you can't handle it? Wrong! If you know a few fairly simple rules, you can easily establish contact with any interlocutor.

So, the topic of our today's conversation is "Communicate with people without problems."

Rule one. The main thing

If you are determined to learn how to communicate with people, remember the most important rule: "People will treat you the way you treat them." Those. by and large - this is the principle of the mirror. Therefore, it is important not to forget that if relationships with this or that person are important to you, try to always speak kindly and slowly.

smile

Join the conversation

How to learn to communicate with people if it is unusual and inconvenient to even begin to express your own opinions? According to psychologists, if you are in an unfamiliar company, try not to engage in dialogue at all for a while, at least until you finally determine the topic of conversation. Just sit and listen. And do not worry, no one will regard your silence as a sign of unfriendliness. Quite the contrary, in companies they love and value the listeners very much. You know, there are always many more people who want to talk and express their point of view than those who are ready to listen to the end, only from time to time asking clarifying questions.

Facial expressions and gestures

Surprised? Yes Yes! Your gestures and facial expressions are as important as anything else. If you try to hide it, the person may think that your behavior is somehow unnatural, that you are hiding something and are most likely deceiving. Although remember that excessive gesticulation is a sign of nervousness. And this, you see, few people like it. Reveal a secret to you? If you really want to know how to learn how to communicate with people, remember: slow, narrow and gentle gestures, and especially open palms, is one way to please others. In addition, psychologists advise using the so-called “mirroring” method, which consists in trying to copy the pace of speech and gestures of your interlocutor. The better you do it, the more likely it is that they will see you as a close in spirit, almost a native person.

Sight

The eyes, of course, are another important item. And this is not at all surprising. After all, it is with the help of views that, according to scientists, we get up to 90% of all the necessary information.

In this article, I tried to tell as much as possible about how to learn to communicate with and give each other pleasure from this conversation. But believe me, the most important thing is not demeanor or speech at all. You yourself should act as an interesting interlocutor. If you want to gain popularity, communicate more and have a huge number of friends, try to captivate a person, keep up the conversation, let your eyes glow, do not leave your lips, and life is in full swing. And then, believe me, you will not have to look for communication, it will find you by itself.

Marina12

Hello. My name is Marina. I don’t know how to communicate with people, I don’t have many friends (2 and then I always follow them with a tail and they most often communicate with others and I stay alone). I really want to be the center of attention and an interesting conversationalist, but when the time comes I am silent and cannot carry on a conversation.

Marina12

I study at the Lyceum, I am 14 years old. I have no particular hobbies and most of my free time I watch TV or study.

What programs do you like to watch on TV? Are there any favorite subjects in the lyceum?
Are the friends you hang out with classmates or do you live nearby? How many years have you been friends?
Do you have social media friends on the Internet? Are you texting with someone? Are you in any groups?

Marina12

I like funny cartoons or movies also like dramas and anime. Of my friends, I only have classmates and in the social. networks, I also communicate with them

Have you tried expanding your social circle? There are interest groups in social networks - study, for sure there will be topics of interest to you. Join new groups, expand your circle of contacts. And then even with your current friends, you will have new topics for conversation if you have some new social circle outside of classmates. Haven't thought about this?
Are you into sports or fitness? Rollerblading, biking, skating, dancing, ...?

You are lonely because you have chosen two people for yourself (as you write) and expect that they will always be only busy with you, pay attention to you, "entertain" you with conversations :) But they have their own life outside of your contacts with them .
And you also need to expand your circle of acquaintances, start looking for interests in addition to cartoons and movies. You are 14 years old - the age when you should gradually have new hobbies and interests - a more adult orientation. Then you will have topics for conversation and new acquaintances will appear.
Have you already thought about your choice? future profession? Have you thought about who you want to work for, who to study for?

Marina12

I am a member of many groups in VK. And I don’t know which institute to enter, but I want to be the owner of a chain of hotels around the world

Marina12

I do not think. Mostly they just post interesting entries.
And when communicating live, a barrier arises and I can’t really say something

Exactly, Marina, I can tell you. that people from social networks communicate live. You take a very passive position - only read or watch. And as a result - do not train to talk, to talk, to communicate. You need to start at least with social networks - there are also various discussions and conversations on the topic of who published what? You need to participate in these discussions - express your opinion, ask questions ... So, at least remotely, you will start talking with strangers to make contacts. Have you tried communicating like this?

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Wet palms, chills in the stomach, stuttering, confused speech, the desire to hide in a corner - if you know at least one of these sensations, then most likely you have problems communicating with strangers. But there are several effective ways overcoming the fear of communication, they will be discussed in this article.

site shares with you 8 tips with which you can overcome self-doubt over time and easily make contact.

1. Exercise

Physical activity helps burn adrenaline, stimulates the production of serotonin, which means it improves mood and helps to calm down. In addition, regular training will help you become healthier, more resilient and fit your figure, if necessary, which will undoubtedly make you more confident.

2. Control your breathing

It is important to breathe slowly: inhale for 8 counts and exhale for 8 counts. This will even out the work of the heart and help control speech, you will no longer suffocate with excitement.

Concentration on the count up to 8, and then even up to 8 in one fell swoop displaces all disturbing thoughts from the head. And what seemed catastrophic 16 seconds ago becomes a mere trifle. Such ambulance when you need to recover urgently.

3. Prepare in advance and don't prepare in advance

Thinking through a certain behavior is not worth it: you can never predict what your interlocutor will say. Moreover, you should not conduct mental dialogues in the spirit of "he will tell me this, and I will answer him like this." Everything will be exactly the opposite, and you will be in a stupor due to the fact that your workpiece does not fit. And for a spontaneous answer, you are too afraid of accidentally being rude or being wrong.

But it’s probably worth keeping a couple of questions about your favorite book or hobby in reserve. It would be even better to expand your horizons, study the news in order to be able to keep up the conversation on any topic. In any case, do not hesitate and do not be afraid to navigate the situation. After all, you did not grow up in the jungle and have an idea about the rules of behavior in society.

4. Don't rely on alcohol

Coffee and soda can aggravate anxiety and nervousness, and alcohol can take you to unknown distances. In addition, we have to communicate constantly, you can’t “brave” with strong drinks every time. So sleep for a short time.

5. Do what you think is scary.

Force yourself to at least occasionally communicate with strangers. For example, talk to a consultant in a store, rather than wander around for hours looking for what you need, stop a passerby and ask for directions, make an appointment with a doctor by phone. And don't push away someone who talks to you on the street.

6. Stop thinking about what others think of you.

After all, this thought is the source of all problems with speech, jokes and conversations with strangers, isn't it? You do not approach a consultant in a store because of fears like: “What, I can’t figure it out myself?”, “Suddenly they offer me an expensive thing, I refuse, and he thinks that I am poor?”

What the inflamed brain does not compose, but you just need to understand that others do not think about you at all. So just do what you need: talk, joke, ask. Half a minute after a short contact with a stranger, you will be forgotten. Only if you're not a master of charm, of course.

A life modern man closely related to interpersonal communication. Men and women cross daily at work, in a store or a sports club. But what to do when you are closed and do not know which side to approach, wanting to start a conversation? Only outcasts can live in an empty apartment without maintaining contact with anyone, so it is important to be able to find mutual language with other people.

Ways to achieve effective communication

Eye contact
It is easy to win the trust of the interlocutor if you look him in the eyes during the conversation. Do not look away to the left and up, this sign indicates disinterest. If you look down and look to the right, the friend may think of a possible catch.

The ideal option is to look at the brow area of ​​the person you are in contact with. This technique is used by sales managers, wanting to "suck in" the goods. If at the same time the interlocutor looks at you, it will seem to him that you are looking into the eyes. It turns out a kind of optical illusion, use it.

Confidence is an undeniable trump card
Confident people can be seen from afar, they are characterized by a proud posture, a direct look and a high head. You want to communicate with such a person, he does not use a long prelude before starting a conversation, but immediately goes to the point. Be a confident interlocutor, so you will have an undeniable trump card up your sleeve!

Show your reliability and determination, attract others with these qualities. Such personalities leave an indelible impression in the soul of newly-made friends and do not suffer from a lack of attention.

"What's in a name…"
At the first meeting with a person, ask what his name is. It is important to remember that there is no sweeter song to the ears than the sound of one's own name. Address the listener in this way. If third parties have joined the conversation and you decide to tell a story that includes the name of an acquaintance, do not use the pronouns “he” or “she”.

Try to associate the companion's name with positive emotions. Share funny life stories, smile sincerely, tell jokes. Solar personalities illuminate all who are in contact with them. Radiate positivity and energy!

genuine interest
Agree, it’s not interesting to listen for hours on end as a guy or a girl talks about their life without showing interest in your direction. Such individuals are rightfully considered egoists, do not consider yourself one of them. Show interest, be interested in life and do not burden others with your own troubles. Have a dialogue, not a monologue.

Let the person join the conversation, and then the conversation will take its course. Eastern wisdom says: "Say once, the other two - listen!". Stick to the great gurus of philosophy so that you don't get stuck in a traffic jam for a long silence, which is formed when two selfish persons meet.

Who doesn't risk...
... loses positive emotions. Advice goes hand in hand with confidence. People experience fear, wanting to ask again or ask a question of interest. They mistakenly believe that they will be rejected or humiliated, but this is far from the case. A situation of this kind occurs due to the alleged failure of the listener, who considers himself unworthy of the interlocutor.

Do not be afraid of rejection, analyze what has been said, ask relevant questions, express an opinion and give advice! Do not let emotions take over self-esteem, maintain dignity in any circle of people, regardless of the situation.

"Mirror" effect
Gesticulation emphasizes the spoken words, facial expressions characterize them. The two points are inextricably linked. Do not try to remove your hands when talking, such a sign will look unnatural. Excessive waving is also undesirable, the interlocutor may mistake the action for nervousness.

Be calm, do not fold your arms over your chest, this technique means closeness. Stand straight, bend your hands with boats and join your hands. Also, you do not need to clench your fists, keep your palms open, only in such ways you can win over those around you to your own person.

The greatest minds in the United States have proven the effectiveness of communication using the "mirror" method. The method consists in repeating the movements of the interlocutor and copying the intonation of his voice. However, do not do this like a parrot, the movements should be soft, inconspicuous and as similar as possible. Psychologists say that the "mirror" brings people together and helps them open up.

Knowledge is power
Read books, watch interesting programs and topical films. Stay up to date, it's nice to communicate with a comprehensively developed person who knows how to keep the conversation going. Such personalities win universal recognition and are erected on a pedestal of respect.

Try to join the company in the first hour of communication, create topics for discussion, draw others into the conversation. Do not hide your knowledge, but do not be too clever, so as not to alienate others.

Relevance of the questions asked
Avoid pauses in communication that will embarrass both sides of the conversation. When contact is just being established and people are not yet accustomed to each other's company, it is important to create the right atmosphere for further manipulations. The interlocutor said that he was going to the country at the weekend? Great, ask him how far it is and if fishing is welcome there. Do not answer memorized “I see”, this statement will mislead anyone.

Avoid questions that can only be answered in one word. Ask in such a way that the other side is forced to answer in detail. There is no need to throw a person with a number of questions, be interested measuredly and “in the subject”. If we are talking about construction, the automotive section will be out of place.

Correct wording of ideas
Did you suddenly have an idea? Do not rush to share it, think carefully about what you are going to say. Express yourself in understandable phrases, do not jump from one place to another, adapt people to your thought. The people around are not psychics, they do not always understand what is at stake, although they nod their heads in response. As mentioned above, "coaxing" comes from being afraid to ask or not wanting to listen.

Keep the story interesting, not monotonous, so that you want to know the continuation. It is important to realize that everyone has their own idea of ​​what is told. You imagined white sand and a blue ocean, and the interlocutor saw only shells and algae on the shore. Formulate your own thoughts, intriguing and fueling the interest of the public.

Openness is not a vice
Be honest and open, do not create misunderstandings due to inconsistencies. Share your personal life, but within reason. Choose “not closed” information for the narrative. When a man or woman cheats, the truth soon comes out and spoils friendly relations.

Now it is important to create that inextricable connection between opponents, because of which you will meet again for a cup of coffee. Open people they quickly find friends, but they are also often betrayed. Look at the situation, if the interlocutor does not inspire confidence - do not share the secret.

Openness is associated with decency and honesty - two qualities business man. As a rule, girls are more relaxed, and with a bottle of good wine, their tongue is completely unleashed. Guys in this regard are more difficult, they do not share experiences with the first person they meet.

Personality is determined not only by opinion, strength of character and the desire for more, but also complexes, fear and shyness. What to do when the break in communication was so long that a barrier formed? Let's talk about everything in order.

Lack of common themes
Don't know what to talk about? There are a number of common topics that will pave the way for further conversation. Discuss the latest in the film industry, popular sports, world news, and finally the weather and nature. When communicating on the above topics, you do not need to have astronomical knowledge.

Intrigue and gossip
Are you relaxing in the company, and a girl pesters you with conversations, about whom those other rumors are circulating? Do not succumb to provocations, "hammer" the gossips and envious people. Cultivate a useful quality - to judge a person based on your own convictions, and not long tongues chatting behind the back.

adrenaline rush
The interlocutor is talking utter nonsense? Do you start arguing and proving that you are right? Stop. You need to be able to cope with the storm that destroys further communication. Get out in the fresh air, catch your breath.

It does not matter what the true motives of behavior are - discord with her husband or the departure of a girlfriend. Don't take your anger out on others by embarrassing yourself. You will say nasty things to your interlocutor, for which you will later suffer remorse.

It is difficult for closed personalities to step over themselves and say a couple of phrases to maintain a conversation. However, communication skills are just as important as the ability to write and read. Experts have developed a number of recommendations with which you will get off the ground.

imaginary conversation
As ridiculous as it sounds, talk to the furniture. Tell the closet how you spent the day and what you ate for lunch. Sociologists talk about the effectiveness of the procedure, because it is much more difficult to communicate with inanimate objects than with people. Try to build sentences coherently and interestingly. If the idea seems absurd, get a pet and interact with it.

Sweet praise
Pay attention to the personal qualities of the interlocutors, praise their skills. Did you like your colleague's blouse? Feel free to tell. Did you make excellent coffee in the cafe? Do not skimp on a sincere compliment. Words must come from the heart so that people believe you.

Chatting with random people
Set a goal to talk to strangers every day. Are you going to the grocery store? Chat with the saleswoman about the freshness of the product. Can't find the right street? Ask your grandmother for directions at the bus stop. Greet the concierge and smile. The method is effective, despite its simplicity. He will eradicate the fear of starting a conversation first.

Interaction with others is an integral part of everyday life. Real communication skills come with practice. Delve into your opponent's stories, ask questions, and be sincere. Use exercises to improve communication skills, overcome all sorts of barriers and fight emotions. Address the interlocutor by name, join the team and become the soul of the company!

Video: how to learn to communicate with people

The world is arranged in such a way that some people talk too much, without stopping for a second, while others in society cannot squeeze out even a word. What is it connected with? The inability to express one's thoughts, maintain a conversation and conquer interlocutors with the filigree of a syllable depends primarily on complexes and self-doubt, and not on a lack of intelligence, as many believe. However, continue to close in on yourself, calming the soul with the dubious “I don’t like to communicate with people and I won’t!” not worth it by any means. Even the erudite, who have rich inner world, who have read more than one hundred books and are distinguished by remarkable intelligence, may experience difficulties in communication.

The word is one of the most powerful weapons of man.

The ability to communicate and influence people with the power of words is considered the golden quality of modern man. Without correctly constructed phrases, you will not be able to conclude a contract, make a banal congratulation at a wedding, win the heart of a girl, not to mention the fact that many promising professions will not be available to you. In the beginning was the word, and it always will be.

"Every thought, expressed in words, is a force whose action is infinite." These are the words of Leo Tolstoy, once again proving that one must learn and be able to communicate with people. People who know how to masterfully handle the word are everyone's favorites, all doors are open for them, it is much easier for them to build a career and achieve their goal. Their secret is that they know how to communicate with people, they know where, when and what to say, where to remain silent, and where to argue. However, they do not have any psychic abilities and developed intuition. Everyone can master the art of communication - there would be a desire.

Secrets of a fruitful conversation

The basic principle of communication with people is based on the mirror rule: "As you treat others, so they treat you." Your rudeness will cause a backlash, inattention will be paid in kind, and harsh gestures, jerky speech and a habit of interrupting will make you one of the most unpleasant interlocutors.

So, how to communicate with people correctly? The most important components of the right conversation are:

• politeness;
• interest;
• interest;
• Attention;
• moderate gestures;
• leisurely and calm speech;
• sensitivity and responsiveness;
• the ability to listen.

As you can see, nothing supernatural! No need to memorize jokes and long tirades, no need to show tricks in order to be appreciated, just elementary politeness - and the interlocutor is favorable to you!

Consider 10 basic rules of communication, having mastered which, you will become one of the most pleasant interlocutors.

Smiling is another secret weapon in the arsenal of remedies that have a beneficial effect on people. After all, who would like to talk to a person whose face has a lifeless, detached expression? The same can be said about a person who constantly smiles - they can take him for an abnormal person. The main thing in a conversation is to strike a balance. It is polite to smile from time to time, but not to laugh inappropriately, especially at the moment when they tell you about their problems, but also not to laugh through force - the made laughter is noticeable from a mile away.

When communicating, try to look the interlocutor in the eyes, continuing to maintain a polite interest on your face even when the topic of conversation is not at all interesting to you. People do not like those who look at the floor or to the side - this indicates either the dishonesty of the interlocutor, or his bad upbringing. Follow these two rules, and soon the problem of how to communicate with people will be irrelevant for you.

Moderate gesticulation

In the psychology of communication, along with a smile, gestures are no less important. Try not to make sudden movements during a conversation and not fuss, giving the impression of a nervous person. And even more so, do not knock your cell phone on the table, do not drum your fingers, do not look at yourself in the mirror and do not paint your lips. The interlocutor, at best, will consider that you are bored, and at worst, they will form an opinion about you as an ill-mannered and impolite person.

All people, without exception, welcome slow, gentle gestures, open postures (no crossed arms) and palms. At the same time, observe the widespread method of “mirroring”: imperceptibly repeat the gestures of the interlocutor and position yourself in his pose. The method works flawlessly - a person on a subconscious level will feel some unity with you, and then sympathy.

I do not know how to communicate with people, or How to start a conversation

Have there been situations with you when you just needed to start a conversation, but you didn’t know how to start it, with what words and on what topic? In such cases, choose any universally secular topics, such as weather, news, work, people around, cars. If you are aware of the interlocutor's interests and hobbies, the best move is to ask him a question from this area, and then ask him to enlighten you. Communication will be provided to you!

If you are in an unfamiliar society, it is better not to enter into a conversation until you are imbued with a “common spirit” and understand what people are interested in. To do this, just listen carefully to each speaker. Your position as a listener, combined with well-directed clarifying remarks, will be appreciated, because everyone loves to talk, but only a few know how to listen.

Don't interrupt

This is perhaps main principle any conversation on which the ability to communicate with people is built. Unnecessary remarks, translation of the conversation into one's own person, impatience, not the desire to listen, but the desire to speak out, while brazenly interrupting the speaker, will not be pleasant to anyone. Such behavior will soon disperse your social circle, for selfishness, dominance and lack of sensitivity in conversation characterize you as an extremely unpleasant interlocutor.

Listening is what everyone needs

Ask the Right Questions

However, silently listening to the interlocutor, having managed not to utter a word for his entire monologue, is also not the best option. Ask him questions from time to time, showing your interest and letting him know that you enjoy talking with him and listening to him. Try not to overdo it with questions, otherwise the conversation will smoothly flow into the framework of an interrogation. For those who find it difficult to communicate with people, you can begin to deal with complexes with this particular method. In this case, questions can be something like: “Yes? Really? What happened next? Yah! Is it true? What are you? What's next?" In this case, the conversation is not recommended:

• criticize the profession of the interlocutor;
• unceremoniously interested in his income;
• confuse his name;
• load it with your problems;
• show excessive familiarity (clap on the shoulder, shake, grab a button, etc.);

• enter into an argument;
• show his superiority in every way.
• to be arrogant and arrogant, according to the principle “I don’t communicate with anyone, but I condescended to you (la), so be happy”;
• Don't admit you're wrong, even though it's obvious.

Try to communicate with everyone in a friendly, polite manner, avoiding slang and familiarity. Do not complain to everyone in a row about your unfortunate fate, low-paid job, despotic boss, traitor friends. You will be listened to once, a second time, but on the third time they will be avoided, as you have a bad habit of sowing negativity. If you are open, optimistic and responsive in communication, the doors to any society will open before you.

Control negative emotions

How to learn to communicate with people and make long-term acquaintances? To do this, first of all, you should work on yourself, on those qualities of character that prevent you from winning over people.

The ability to communicate with people is a special kind of art that also needs to be worked on. This means that a person should be able to admit his mistakes and try not to make them in the future, as well as control negative emotions.

Expand your horizons

In order for you to be in the eyes of people not only an ordinary listener, but also a person with whom it is pleasant and interesting to talk, actively expand your horizons. Read books, be interested in news, events, people. Agree, a conversation with an erudite interlocutor is much more entertaining than with a person who cannot even connect two words. For a fruitful and exciting conversation, not only the rules of conduct are important, but also what you can give to the other side, whether you will be able to understand your interlocutor and keep up the conversation on a particular topic. After all, a comprehensively developed person knows how to communicate with people correctly, knows how to quickly adapt to a conversation and quickly finds a common language with people.

Speak clearly and distinctly

To learn how to communicate - communicate!

Many people, feeling awkward and embarrassed when talking, try not to talk to anyone, thereby further aggravating their situation. A person who avoids communication will never become a good conversationalist! You will learn how to have a casual conversation only in the case of active communication. Put aside your "I'm afraid to talk to people" complex and start talking. No one requires you to have a fiery speech by a leader, an exciting story by a speaker, a persuasive monologue by an advertiser, you can start by simply asking questions, talking on familiar topics and listening. Remember, the more you communicate, the faster you will learn the basics of communication. At the same time, you do not need to complicate your life by reading literature on this topic, studying hundreds of sources on the Internet and carefully preparing every word. You just need to communicate, regularly practicing skills with different people.

Talk to sellers in the market, in the supermarket and boutiques, communicate with colleagues and acquaintances. Each conversation, each new meeting will become a brick in your experience and will help increase your self-confidence. Record your monologue on video and watch facial expressions, gestures, speech. It will immediately become clear to you what you need to work on and what your advantage is. Practice and remember that the power of the word is great, multifaceted and can have a powerful impact on your life.

We hope that we have given exhaustive answers to the question of how to learn to communicate with people.