Never dine alone to read. Keith Ferrazzi - "Never Eat Alone" and Other Networking Rules

01.11.2019

Never Eat Alone and Other Networking Rules

Published with permission from The Crown Publishing Group, a division of The Random House, Inc. and Synopsis Literary Agency c/o THE SYNOPSIS NOA LLP

No part of this book may be reproduced in any form without the written permission of the copyright holders.

Foreword

Sometime in the recent past, people who know how to create and maintain good connections were ridiculed in the movies and the press, calling this phenomenon a pro-hindia. But this is a special talent, a special lifestyle, which is aimed primarily at creation and promotion; talent, which today is called the fashionable word "networking".

The book Never Eat Alone is not only about how to write a lot of useful phone numbers in your notebook - it is about more important: about the desire to help each other, to care for each other, to give more than you receive (while not expecting nothing in return), to make other people happy. This is what Russia really needs today.

Conscious isolation in a very narrow circle of communication leads to the fact that we limit the range of our interests, lose fateful meetings, and after this, new opportunities that could change our life in better side. Loneliness among people is becoming bigger problem for the modern world.

I would like to hope that readers, taking at least a part of the experience of Keith Ferrazzi, will be able to make their lives and the lives of their loved ones more rich and exciting. Perhaps this book will push you to get out of the "chest" of consciousness those ideas that you have despaired of ever implementing only because there were no necessary connections.

There is always an opportunity for everyone to expand the circle of people who could provide you with support and other opportunities in the future. One of the rules that you can immediately arm yourself with is to always do good deeds selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Help others, and this will open up a world of "accidental" success in different areas of your life. And certainly you can always have breakfast, lunch and dinner with interesting people- unless, of course, you want it.

Rostislav Ordovsky-Tanaevsky Blanco,Founder of Rosinter Restaurants Holding

Eden, an hour's drive from Salt Lake City, Utah, offers stunning views of the snow-covered, forested Powder Mountain. In 2013, a group of enterprising young people in their thirties raised $40 million to buy over 4,000 hectares of land. They plan to build an eco-resort on it, which will become the second (third, fourth or fifth) home for successful entrepreneurs who decide to change the world for the better.

This is insolence at its best. The story of how these young but fast-growing businessmen accomplished their task is a perfect illustration of how the principles and techniques in this book can be put into practice.

In 2008, twenty-two-year-old Eliot Bisnow, who worked for his father's small email marketing firm, became so active in recruiting advertisers that after a while he couldn't manage and grow the business himself because it had grown so large. Bisnow thought he lacked knowledge, but he didn't run to business school because he knew he was up to his neck and that he needed answers yesterday.

The book "Never Eat Alone" read at that moment helped Bisnow to look at the problem from a different angle. What he really lacked was not knowledge, but people who could give advice, take on the role of a mentor and help a rapidly developing business. And this problem - the problem of contacts - had the same "contact" solution.

An already paid weekend at a ski resort and the opportunity to change the world for the better? I would immediately agree - moreover, I would pay for participation. As it turned out, I was not the only one who reasoned this way - and again! Bisnow has a new business. Within a few years, business meetings at the ski resort have become a tradition, and the tradition has become a series of Summit Series conferences with both commercial and non-commercial directions.

These conferences don't just help young entrepreneurs get on their feet; for the most part, they help create a society in which there is personal mutual support that makes cooperation possible and satisfies our deep human need for fellowship, for a sense of belonging and significance. It is the most important social capital imaginable. In other words, during these meetings, people make friends, mentors and colleagues for life.

Over the past decade, research in the field social sciences showed that the need to create such connections is not just dictated by vague ideas about a “decent life”, by no means: the satisfaction of these needs is necessary condition for creativity, innovation, development and, as a result, profit.

The Powder Mountain Resort has become the headquarters of the Summit Series conferences. Their regular members - for example, billionaire Peter Thiel - bought land on the territory for $ 2 million per plot. This allows us to hope that the conferences themselves, and - more importantly - the ideas that ensured their success will exist for many years to come.

Bisnow's story can be seen as a step-by-step and highly successful implementation of everything this book teaches. First of all, this is generosity in relationships, as well as courage, social arbitration, the combination of personal and professional, establishing contacts through common interests, giving back, and enjoying work.

No matter how flattering it would be for me to think so, but there is no merit in the emergence of the Summit Series. I was just lucky enough to push Bisnow to create this forum along with his support team. However, I can boast of what Bisnow calls "Never Eat Alone" a guide to action that helped him articulate and implement his vision. He is one of thousands who have responded to this book, claiming to have built not only personal careers but entire organizations with the concepts and rules described in it.

Here is Summit's unwritten code of conduct.

1. Think of life as an expedition for knowledge. Everyone can teach something. Everyone can learn something. Embark on a spiritual and intellectual journey!

2. Build friendships. The Summit Series is not intended to add to your address book, but to make friends for life. You are surrounded by amazing people. Get to know them better.

3. Don't miss out on a lucky break. Sometimes the unexpected events are the most important. Appreciate it.

4. Show kindness. The Summit Series values personality, not fine words on a resume. Be kind to newbies and don't kowtow to celebrities.

5. Have fun. Why do something you don't like?

Welcome to the era of communication

The accomplishments of Bisnow and his group, and the many thousands of readers who have shared their success stories with me, show that Never Eat Alone is much more than just one person's story of how they achieved their goals. I used to think that networking and breaking out was a very personal, albeit passionate desire of a poor boy in industrial Pittsburgh. However, it turned out that I was guided by forces more high order than what one could feel on the golf course, where I learned so much by passing the clubs.

The world was changing, and I was changing with it—or maybe I just had the right genes to thrive in this new ecosystem. In any case, this book has become a guide to the business of a completely new time.

Keith Ferrazzi

Keith Ferrazzi is "one of the most outgoing people in the world" according to Forbes. Participants of the World Economic Forum in Davos called him the "Global Leader of the Future".

Among his acquaintances are US presidents, leaders of the Republican Party and leading American businessmen.

What is this book about?

The author tells us his story, seasoning it with cases from the lives of his friends. About how the establishment of connections changed the fate of people. How a chance meeting at a conference or a business card handed in at the right time can turn someone's life around 180 degrees. Or even the fate of all mankind. And this is not an exaggeration - after all, most of Keith's stories are connected with the largest figures in the United States - presidential candidates like Hillary Clinton or rich people like Bill Gates.

I realized that intelligence, talent and origin are not the most important things in life. You can't do anything alone. Keith Ferrazzi

Most of the book consists of the "mechanics" of making acquaintances and the subsequent "work" with them. We will learn about who, when and where to meet, which phrases and reasons for dating will work better, and which will push a person away from us. This is especially important when we want to meet a very famous person who is already fed up with attention. Keith wrote separately about meeting such people.

But if you think it's in this the book is coming about some manipulations and tricks, about something like network marketing, then you are mistaken.

Everything is quite the opposite.

The author throughout the book calls for the brightest feelings: mutual assistance, mutual cooperation and empathy. Do not "milk" your contacts, but exchange mutual services. All this rhetoric reminded me a lot of Stephen Covey and his seven principles. Very, very reminiscent. Although Covey's last name is not mentioned in the book. But the name of another famous American, Dale Carnegie, is repeatedly mentioned there. It can be seen that the author was inspired by his books at the beginning of his journey.

In general, and I would like to emphasize this, Kate conveys to us a very real philosophy of life. Philosophy of communication and mutual assistance.

In fact, he built his entire glorious career on this. And all my life.

…when I do this, the line between the professional and personal spheres of life loses all meaning. Keith Ferrazzi

Who will benefit from this book?

First of all, "salesmen" of all stripes, networkers, public relations specialists, and so on.

It will also be useful to people working for the state or in large corporations. I recall David D'Alessandro's phrase: "Big corporations are irrational." This means that a career in large corporations rarely depends on the competence of a person. But from his connections - directly.

If, again, to recall senior officials, then you probably noticed how quickly some dismissed official finds a job. Today he is a deputy minister, tomorrow he is an ambassador to France, the day after tomorrow he is vice president of a state corporation.

You can be fired, you can lose money, property, but if you still have connections, it means that nothing is lost.

…56% of those surveyed found their jobs through their personal connections… Keith Ferrazzi

In general, I think the book will be useful to everyone. For example, I have learned many lessons for myself. And immediately began to implement them in my life. By the way, this is a sure sign that the book was a success.

About format

The book is big. I read it for a long time. Plus, I had to think about it.

But it is easy to read. The book is filled with examples from life, and the author does not hesitate to name names, names of firms and dates. And since most of the stories feature the most famous people, it is unlikely that Keith thought of something from himself.

Overall, it feels like a great experience. The man knows what he is writing about. It is evident that the book was not written in order to earn another million dollars. Rather, the author wanted to leave a legacy, he wanted to tell posterity about his work of life.

Summarizing

I would like to call this book a real "bible of networking", but given that I have read only a couple of books on this topic, I will refrain. And I’d better ask Lifehacker readers: what books from the field of networking would you recommend?

Keith Ferrazzi, Tal Raz

Never Eat Alone and Other Networking Rules

Foreword

Conscious isolation in a very narrow circle of communication leads to the fact that we limit the range of our interests, lose fateful meetings, and after this, new opportunities that could change our lives for the better. Loneliness among people is becoming an increasing problem for the modern world.

There is always an opportunity for everyone to expand the circle of people who could provide you with support and other opportunities in the future. One of the rules that you can immediately arm yourself with is to always do good deeds selflessly and without expecting anything in return. Help others, and this will open up a world of "accidental" success in different areas of your life. And it is absolutely certain that you can always have breakfast, lunch and dinner with interesting people - if, of course, you want to.

Rostislav Ordovsky-Tanaevsky Blanco, founder of Rosinter Restaurants Holding

Part one

Set up your mind

How to become a club member

Connections are everything. Everything in the world exists only in connection with everything else. Nothing can exist in isolation. It's enough to pretend that we are independent beings that can live on our own.

Margaret Wheatley

“Lord, how can I get into this circle?” I asked myself puzzled as a young freshman at Harvard Business School.

I had neither work experience nor financial training behind me. Looking around, I saw around me purposeful young people who already had initial degrees in the field of business. Behind them, they already had experience in analytical work in the most prestigious Wall Street firms. Of course, I felt out of place.

How could a working-class guy with a bachelor's degree in liberal arts and a couple of years working in a conventional factory compete with the purebred offspring of the McKinsey and Goldman Sachs families, who, I then thought, knew business from the cradle?

I was a provincial guy from a small town of steelworkers and miners. The area was so rural that from the threshold of our modest house it was not possible to see the neighboring houses. My father worked at a local steel mill and worked part-time in construction on the weekends. Mother cleaned the houses of doctors and lawyers in a nearby town. My brother escaped from small town life by choosing a military career. My sister, still in high school, when I was just starting to walk, got married and moved away.

As soon as I entered Harvard Business School, all the unpleasant childhood memories returned to me. The fact is that, although we had little money, my parents decided to give me all the opportunities that my brother and sister were deprived of. I was pulled to the top in every possible way and sacrificed everything to give me the same education that only children from wealthy families could afford. The memory brought me back to the days when my mother took me from private school in a beat-up jalopy, and all the other kids were seated in limousines and BMWs. Their constant ruthless mockery of our car, of the synthetic fiber clothing I wore, of my sneakers that were counterfeit brands, reminded me every day of my status in life.

This life experience has served me well, strengthening my resolve and stimulating my drive to succeed. He showed me a clear line between “have” and “not have”, made me hate my own poverty. I felt like an outcast in society, but these feelings made me work much harder than anyone else from my environment did.

It was hard work that got me into Harvard. However, there was another circumstance that distinguished me from my fellow students and gave me a certain advantage. The fact is that long before coming to Cambridge, I learned one thing that was inaccessible to my peers.

As a boy, I took a job at a golf club, where I dragged bags of clubs around the field for wealthy landlords who lived in a nearby town and their children. While doing this, I've often wondered why some people succeed in life and others don't. In those days, I made one observation that changed my outlook.

Carrying bags around the field, I watched how people who have reached such heights in life that my parents never dreamed of help each other. They looked for each other Good work, invested money and time in ideas friends had, helped each other to identify children in best schools, put them on practice in the best companies and eventually found the most prestigious job for them.

I have seen from my own experience that success breeds success and the rich get richer. Mutual assistance of friends and acquaintances was the most reliable guarantee of success. I realized that poverty is not just a lack of financial resources, but also isolation from a certain circle of people who can help you realize your own abilities.

I've come to understand that life, like golf, is a game in a way. People who are well versed in the rules of the game are more likely to succeed. And one of the most important rules of life was that, knowing the right people and knowing how to use these connections, you can become a member of the club of the elite, even if you started life by bringing bags of clubs.

I realized that intelligence, talent and origin are not the most important things in life. Of course, all this also plays a role, but it turns out to be useless unless you learn one thing: you cannot do anything alone.

Fortunately, I was passionate about achieving something in life (to be honest, I still think with fear that I will not be able to achieve success). Otherwise, I probably would have just stood on the sidelines and watched someone else's life, like many of my friends who served at the club.

I first realized the incredible potential of human relationships while interacting with Mrs. Poland. Carol Poland was married to the owner of a large woodworking factory, and her son Brett was my age and friend. At that time, I really wanted to be like Brett (he was athletic, rich and very popular with girls).

Carrying clubs for Mrs. Poland, I did my best to ensure that she achieved victory in any tournament. Early in the morning I walked the whole distance, marking for myself all the difficult places. I was testing the speed at which the ball rolls on the grass. Soon, Mrs. Poland was indeed showering with victories. Every time during the women's tournaments, I did so much work for her that she began to celebrate my achievements in the presence of her friends. I began to be in demand among other players.

It was not a burden for me to go even thirty-six holes in a day, if only they hired me. And, of course, I treated my immediate boss at the club as if he were a king. In the first year of my work, I was recognized as the best among the attendants of the club, and for this I was appointed to the service of Arnold Palmer, who came to his native city to participate in the competition. Arnie himself started the same way as I did, and later became the owner of a golf club. I looked at him as an idol. He was living proof to me that success in golf and in life has nothing to do with origin. The whole point was that he won the right to be accepted into the circle of the elite (of course, talent also played a role). Some get this right due to their origin or money, others, like Arnold Palmer, due to the fact that they achieve fantastic results in their business. I knew that my forte is initiative and perseverance. Arnie showed me that the past is not always a prologue to the future.

The book Never Eat Alone talks about the most important skill in business (and not only in business) - the ability to build relationships.

Keith Ferrazzi — About the Author

Keith Ferrazzi - networker number 1 in the world. He turned networking into an art. Keith's phone book has more than 5,000 contacts, including phone numbers of presidents different countries, business gurus, rock stars and many others. Kate teaches people around the world to build trust with anyone.

His system of building relationships and mutual assistance became so popular that even the Stanford business school used his ideas as a separate "case" for training.

Never Eat Alone - Summary Books

Only those who prioritize communication and human relationships succeed because people are drawn to those they know and love.

Three reasons to take action in this direction:

1. There will be no place for boredom in your life.

3. A wide circle of acquaintances will open up great opportunities for you in all spheres of life.

Setting up your mind

The key to success lies in generosity.

First, stop counting good deeds. Don't argue about who pays for the business lunch. Don't remember all the good things you've done for someone. Do not leave the necessary acquaintances only for yourself: the more benefit you bring to other people, the more you will return.

Secondly, stop cherishing your "independence", be open to people, communicate with them, introduce them to each other.

The exercise. Do it right now!

Finding a dream
To be successful, decide on a goal and then a strategy to achieve it.

1. Find your dream. Think about what you really like. What do you do best? What do you want to achieve? What obstacles might you face? Look inside yourself, describe your preferences, hobbies, etc. Then ask others about your strengths and weaknesses.

2. Write down the goals for the next 3 years on paper: the first column should indicate the goals themselves, the second - the people and methods that will help implement them, the third - ways to attract the right people. Keep your goals bold, specific, and ambitious. Tell your loved ones about your plan, let it motivate you to achieve.

3. Surround yourself with people who care, they will support you in difficult times.

We build mutually beneficial relationships.
A few rules will help you with this:

1. If you have something to say, speak to the point.

2. Don't gossip

3. Give more than you receive

4. Don't Treat Your Subordinates as Second Class People

5. Be open and sincere

6. Avoid falsehood and hypocrisy

We form practical skills

Getting ready to meet

People are always interested in what they do themselves, so find information about the person you are interested in (Internet, media, press releases to help you), then think about how best to introduce yourself to him.

Fixing names

Make a list of people in your environment: relatives, your friends, friends of your life partner, friends of relatives, colleagues (former and current), clients, neighbors, classmates, classmates, teachers, friends of interest, etc. etc. The list should seem impressive to you. Enter all the information in the database or write it down by hand. Carry with you. You can also write down information about those people with whom you would very much like to meet.

Learning to call

For many to call to a stranger- the hardest thing imaginable. But there is a way out:
1. Decide on it, be braver.
2. Set yourself up for a positive outcome.
3. Find mutual friends. Making a referral is always easier.
4. Interest the interlocutor that you can be useful to him (his company). Don't drag out the conversation though. Be concise and clear.
5. Make an appointment to discuss the details.
6. Show that you are willing to compromise. So ask for more first so you can give in later.

Establishing contact with the "big shot"

Turn the secretary into your ally. Maintain a friendly relationship with him, tk. often assistants are not service personnel, but the right hand and business partner of their boss. Respect them, you can resort to a sense of humor.

Living in public

Your organizer should be filled with various meetings and activities. Go to them with joy, let it bring you pleasure. Constantly look for opportunities to meet interesting people.

We are looking for places for useful acquaintances

Choose such places based on interests, profession, hobbies. As you know, friendships are based on the quality of time spent, and not on its quantity.

Standing out from the mass

In order for a person to remember you, you need to be able to stand out. If you manage to draw attention to yourself, consider half the battle done. But to make sure the person remembers you accurately, make it a habit to contact them the next day.

Become a conference organizer

Before taking part in the conference, compare your material and time costs. If the benefit is significant, agree to participate, or even better, offer your help to the organizers.

Expanding the circle of communication

To expand your network of contacts, connect your social circle with someone else's, for example, with a circle of friends. It turns out a chain of interconnections, each link of which enhances the capabilities of the entire network. In this type of collaboration, you see each person as a partner.

Learning to have small talk

The main sequence here is this: we start a conversation, keep it going, fix the connection and part with the person on a friendly note.
For some reason, many people believe that only mysterious individuals who know something, but do not share this knowledge, can succeed. But this trend is gone.

We use non-verbal means of communication

It takes about 10 seconds to understand whether a person liked or not. In such a short time to make it clear to another that you can do business, use the following tips:
- smile;
- look into the eyes of a person not intently, but not too little;
- stand relaxed with your hands down;
- slightly tilt your head towards the interlocutor;
- touch people (someone shakes hands, someone uses both hands when shaking hands, you can also take a person by the elbow during a handshake);
- be sincere, pay attention to the interlocutor.

Finding our uniqueness

When meeting a new person, be prepared to tell him something. Don't limit yourself to just retelling the news. Find your niche, what you are most knowledgeable about, what interests you.

Nicely exit the conversation

If you are talking to someone at an event, you can briefly remind them of the main point of your conversation, and then politely and sincerely apologize for having to go.
In order for an acquaintance to grow into a strong relationship, the first conversation must end with an offer to continue communication. Get the other person to verbally agree to see you again.

Learning to listen

Greet people first. Do not interrupt the interlocutor. Show with your appearance that you are interested in him: nod, use sign language. Ask questions.

Turning acquaintances into associates

Interested in people's concerns

The most basic human need is the need for recognition, so let people know that you see their value. Find out what worries, worries, worries people.

Getting people to know each other

As already mentioned, the more you give, the more you get. Introduce the right people to each other. Strive to get the people that matter to you to achieve what they want by bringing the right people together

We don't let ourselves be forgotten

V modern world the amount of information increases at a tremendous pace, so we are often unable to keep new data in our heads.

Become an interesting person

Become an expert

It is important to be not only a good interlocutor, but also to have your own point of view. Be aware of what is happening in the world, retell interesting things to your friends. Think about what impression you can make on people (perhaps you have some unusual hobby that others would be interested in learning about)

Create a name

Your name is the key to success. It inspires confidence in you, speaks for itself and attracts more and more new people who want to get to know you. First of all, you need internal content. Everything you do should be of value: know-how at work, your own new project, etc.

We announce ourselves

Every day in the media we learn about various companies and their leaders. Usually these are large organizations that have good public relations.

We create our club

Clubs are a very popular and prestigious place to find like-minded people and advance. The more influential its members, the more can be achieved by joint efforts. But if you are not a member of any club, why not create your own?

Don't give in to pride

The more you begin to feel your own importance from meeting new interesting and influential people, the less you can pay attention to those who are one step below.

Conclusion

Remember the basic idea: the more you give, the more you get back. Do not count how many good deeds you have done and what you have received in return.

Make a firm commitment to yourself from today to expand your circle of contacts and accumulate knowledge, experience and people who will help you achieve your goals. But first, be honest with yourself.

Answer, how much are you willing to communicate with people? Are you willing to give without expecting something in return? Do you have mentors? Or maybe you yourself are a mentor for someone? What do you want to achieve? What kind of people do you want to see next to you?

Decide for yourself how to create a world around you that you will enjoy living in.