When misunderstanding leads to enmity. Misunderstanding in a relationship - how to find a common language? Some interesting essays

14.05.2020

When people are too categorical to accept an alternative point of view, they often have conflicts with those who think differently than they do. The reason is that we cannot moderate the desire to win the argument and impose our rightness on everyone, so we begin to get angry and angry, just to prove our superiority. It is then that a simple misunderstanding leads to enmity.

To argue my position, I will give examples from the literature. In Bulgakov's dystopia " dog's heart» Professor Preobrazhensky and people's representative Shvonder are at enmity. It cannot be said that Philip Philipovich was the initiator of the conflict, but his very presence irritated the working people. The proletarian activists hated the "bourgeois" way of life and oppressed those who adhered to it in every possible way. They did not understand that a researcher of this magnitude could not huddle in a hostel, because they had no education and did not recognize the value of scientific knowledge. The professor, on the contrary, was an intelligent man, but an old-fashioned one: he could not organically exist in the new reality. Preobrazhensky, in turn, did not understand what was the point of breaking the hierarchy and equating all people, because it is obvious that they are different. The enmity in this case appeared because Shvonder could not put up with the fact that the professor was “more equal than others”, and tried to harm him by writing slander and complaints. Philip Philipovich was forced to defend himself from attacks and also participate in the confrontation.

Another example can be found in Turgenev's Fathers and Sons. Pavel Petrovich and Yevgeny Vasilyevich also did not understand each other. They were representatives of different generations, so their views did not coincide. In addition, they belonged to different classes. One of them spent his whole life revolving in the world and made a career at court, the other set up experiments in the wilderness, giving preference to practically significant areas of activity. It would seem that they could confine themselves to a misunderstanding, but enmity arose. This happened because from words the opponents came to disputes, and from disputes to an armed clash. Both tried to assert themselves and overpower the enemy, constantly escalating the situation. As a result, they brought the conflict to the point that they could no longer get along in the same house.

When does misunderstanding between people lead to enmity? Examples from the literature show us that this happens when we are filled with pride or vanity and deliberately narrow our horizons to concepts that we recognize as perfect. It is then that a person cannot allow that there are those in the world who do not agree with him.

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Enmity is mutual hatred, hostility, unfriendly relations between people. It would seem that this definition is the exact opposite of the word "native", the word "close", but, unfortunately, in fiction there are many examples of those cases where the relationship of loved ones is inferior to the relationship between two passers-by, and often even worse. But why does hostility arise between relatives?

At its core, any relationship, be it friendship or love, is Full time job above oneself. A positive relationship between people is, one way or another, a certain degree of sacrifice and self-control, because any relationship, no matter how strong it is, can instantly destroy or spoil selfishness, greed, rudeness, misunderstanding, incorrectly set priorities. The same applies to relationships in the family: improper upbringing, excessive permissiveness, or, conversely, lack of love and attention - all this can become the root of the problem, the cause of rudeness, hostility and even mutual hostility. So, for example, in the story of N.V. Gogol's Taras Bulba, the relationship between a father and two sons seems to be built in the same way, but they have a different result: the father kills his younger brother with his own hands. Was it hostility? Of course, because the son exchanged ties with loved ones, love for his homeland for the feelings that he had for the Polish woman. Taras Bulba could not stand such a betrayal, since he himself was a free Cossack by nature and most of all in life he valued not his family, not his home, but life on the battlefield, life side by side with the Cossacks. However, it seems to me that he himself was to blame for this enmity, this misunderstanding, this "betrayal". main member family, because from the very beginning he built his relationships with loved ones in the wrong way. He gave too little love and affection to his family and prioritized service to his homeland, although it seemed to me worth it in equally to instill in your children tenderness, courage, affection, and determination, because this is what a person’s happiness and well-being in life consist of. Perhaps if Andrei had trusted his father, he would have been able to come to him with repentance, tell about his feelings and listen to advice, but he was either afraid of his father's reaction, or did not expect anything current from him - in any case, the outcome turned out to be tragic for both.

Relations in the Prostakov family from the comedy by D.I. Fonvizin "Undergrowth". But in this case, from the very beginning, it was the moral component of the relationship between relatives that suffered: Prostakova, with her rudeness, tactlessness, bad manners, commercialism, prevented her husband, her brother, and the serfs from living - she was answered in the same way, and even Mitrofan, her son, whom she loved with all her heart and tried to please in everything, did not put her mother in anything, nor appreciated the good that she received, and treated all her relatives with arrogance and rudeness. The reason for this mutual hostility was precisely the immorality of all family members, and it originated from improper upbringing and obviously unhealthy, thoughtless communication with loved ones.

Summing up what has been said, I would like to once again emphasize that any relationship between people should be based on mutual understanding, mutual support and, importantly, on mutual control - everything should be equal, even quarrels. Why does hostility arise between relatives? Because, most likely, from the very beginning, family relationships are built according to the wrong scheme or are not subjected to any control at all. In order for there to be no incidents with education in the future, you need to approach it wisely and think over most of your actions in advance, because there is nothing worse than enmity between the closest people.

Misunderstandings in relationships are the cause of insufficient communication. People believe that they have already thoroughly explained the essence, but in fact the interlocutor did not understand them or misunderstood them. Studies conducted by psychologists show that most people attribute greater expressiveness to their speech, although in fact this is not reality.

What does misunderstanding mean?

Understanding means the subject of knowledge and the way of human existence. Psychologically, any person needs to be understood by other people, and he himself has a need to understand the actions of other people, natural phenomena, political relations and many other aspects. Misunderstanding and misunderstanding is a universal problem, both in the public sphere and in private life.

Why does misunderstanding occur?

The categoricalness of many people, the lack of desire to accept or hear a different point of view leads to. Misunderstanding is a path to hostility, and the reason for its occurrence is a passionate desire to win in any dispute or to impose one's rightness on others. Misunderstanding between people is vividly described in the literature and the examples given there show that overflowing with pride only leads to a narrowing of one's horizons.

Relationship misunderstandings

All people are different and this statement is as old as the world. The problem of misunderstanding between people can arise not only because there is no desire to understand, let alone accept someone else's point of view, but also because all people have different values, culture, perception system. People with various systems perceptions with great difficulty can understand each other. Wanting to explain something, a person should speak in a language that is accessible and understandable to him.

We all perceive information differently, depending on the type, which psychologists distinguish four. This largely determines what kind of relationship will develop between people of different types.

visuals – most perceive information with the help of vision, they describe their emotions using the terms of the visual system. In communicating with them, it is easier to attract their attention by what they can see and appreciate with their own eyes.
Audials- receive most of the information through the auditory canal. When explaining your point of view to such people, it is worth remembering that intonation and loudness of speech are important for such people and they will never perceive someone who shouts or uses offensive words.
kinesthetics- perceive the world and information through sensations. They will understand the other person better if he uses words and phrases that describe something at the level of sensations. Words: sensation, feel, etc. sure to grab the attention of this type of person.
Discrets- only through logical thinking and comprehension by them the world can be perceived. To prove something to them, if possible, then only with the help of a logical approach and a perfectly built chain of inferences.

Misunderstanding between parents and children

Has always existed. If we ignore the fact of the difference in generations, then the misunderstanding of parents and children arises for a number of similar reasons, in the occurrence of which the parent is often to blame, and not the child. A number of conflicts can be successfully avoided if an adult stops resisting and sticking to his position. Each family is individual, but the misunderstanding in the family that arose between the parent and the child is often the same.

school performance and behaviour;
lack of order in the room;
childish lies that suddenly pop up;
noise (the child listens loudly to music, TV or just makes noise);
disrespectful attitude towards elders;
demand for gifts, unsatisfied “I want” a reason for resentment in a child;
unsuitable, according to parents, company, bad friends;
unpleasant appearance or fashion incomprehensible to parents;
poor pet care.

Misunderstanding between man and woman

Relationship problems due to the fact that there is a partial or complete lack of mutual understanding, every couple has. Those who have learned to find a middle ground and sit down at the negotiating table live happily together until old age. The solution to any conflict with "two winners" is a wise decision, in which each of the partners will be well. Misunderstanding between a man and a woman is expressed in five main problems.

Residents of Chechnya perceive the new protests in Ingushetia with restraint, regarding them as a political provocation by a narrow opposition group. The protests will not affect relations between the two peoples, Chechen activists and residents of the republic interviewed by the "Caucasian Knot" are sure.

As "" wrote, on March 26, residents of Ingushetia, demanding the resignation of Yunus-Bek Yevkurov, without the permission of the authorities, extended a protest action organized by the "Support of Ingushetia" movement on the square in Magas. This led to clashes with the security forces. The protesters left the square on March 27 after protest leaders urged the protesters to disperse. Later, hundreds of people blocked the Kavkaz highway at the entrance to Nazran for several hours. On the night of March 28, motorists held a mass spontaneous motor rally in Nazran, after which additional detachments of security forces were seconded to the city. March 29 Yevkurov accused the leaders of the Ingush protest of irresponsibility

A round-the-clock protest against the change of the border with Chechnya was held in the capital of Ingushetia from 4 to 17 October 2018. The protesters demanded a referendum on the issue of the border and the resignation of the head of the republic. The "Caucasian Knot" maintains an updated chronicle "".

Chechens do not perceive the rallies in Ingushetia as a reproach against them, since they see in these protests only the internal political conflict of the neighboring republic, the head of the Assembly of Peoples of the Caucasus believes Ruslan Kutaev .

“Past rallies and new rallies are the desire of one politicized part of the Ingush elite to remove the head of the republic. The transfer of land is an excuse to "shake" Yevkurov's chair, to get the federal center to replace the head of the republic. In Chechnya, they do not see the difference between (last year's and current) rallies and do not perceive them as a reproach against the Chechens,” he told the “Caucasian Knot” correspondent.

There will be no contradictions at the level of peoples, Kutaev believes. “Nothing can discredit the relations between the Ingush and the Chechens, I am convinced of this. We are so interconnected that one or two [private] conflicts will not affect the relations of peoples. Suppose there is a quarrel between a group of Ingush and a group of Chechens, but no matter how loud this conflict is, it cannot quarrel entire peoples bound by fraternal historical ties,” the head of the Assembly of the Peoples of the Caucasus is convinced.

During the autumn rallies of 2018 in Ingushetia, residents of the two republics expressed their claims to each other, an employee of a Chechen NGO noted Idris . "There was strong tension, it came to mutual accusations and threats, it's good that everything was limited to this. Now everything has started again in a new way, and this cannot but be alarming," he told the "Caucasian Knot" correspondent.

A new round of rallies in Ingushetia did not surprise anyone in Chechnya, although the residents of Chechnya do not share the logic of the Ingush opposition, a Chechen human rights activist believes Aset Malsagova .

“Last year, the Chechens [hoped] that the Ingush would come to their senses, because in 1992 [the Chechens] were happy to hand over the Sunzhensky and Malgobek regions to Ingushetia. But the new round of rallies did not surprise anyone, and the slogans about the resignation of the leadership that sounded at it highlight the true goals of the organizers,” Malsagova told the “Caucasian Knot” correspondent.

Disputes between Chechnya and Ingushetia over the ownership of the Sunzhensky and Malgobek regions have been ongoing since the mid-1990s, according to the "Caucasian Knot" report "Territorial disputes between Ingushetia and Chechnya".

New rallies of the Ingush opposition are perceived calmly in Chechnya. “Chechens are not afraid of growing tension and friction between our peoples, people understand the essence and background of these intrigues,” Malsagova said.

The teacher of the Grozny school agrees with the opinion of Aset Malsagova Petimat . "The fact that Ingushetia raises this issue of borders time after time causes irritation," the woman told the "Caucasian Knot" correspondent.

On the "Caucasian Knot" you can get acquainted with the full text of the Agreement on fixing the border between Chechnya and Ingushetia with annexes to it (a map and a geodetic description of the border). Also, the "Caucasian Knot" posted the material "Dispute over the Chechen-Ingush border: arguments of the parties".

Representative of the Assembly of the Peoples of the Caucasus in the international organizations of Europe Nasir Buluev I am sure that there will be no conflict between Chechens and Ingush.

“I do not think that the protesters express the opinion of the majority of the Ingush. (They) are trying to turn the youth against the Chechens. There will be no war between Chechens and Ingush. You can see how calmly the Chechens react to this, they can gather a million rallies in a day, but they do not do this so as not to provoke the Ingush. The Ingush themselves must figure out who is their friend and who is their enemy,” the activist told the “Caucasian Knot”.

A resident of Chechnya expressed a similar opinion about the protests in Ingushetia Salavdi . "The Ingush opposition has its own goals, it's a pity that two fraternal peoples are drawn into these squabbles. Now the Ingush side again demands to cancel the agreement [on the border], plus remove Yevkurov," Salavdi told the "Caucasian Knot" correspondent ".

A. N. Radishchev spoke words confirming the truth that

You can become a person only if you understand another person. Radishchev studied the problem of mutual understanding between people. Today it has not lost its relevance, because every day we have to contact with other people.

Only in the case of mutual understanding, the conversation takes on a positive connotation, but if there is no understanding, then the conversation most often comes to a standstill. The meaning lurking in this statement is that a person who does not understand others, who does not strive to perceive the opinions of other people, who does not have the ability to listen and sympathize with the people around him, is not included in the number of humane, highly moral individuals.

The author is right. Due to misunderstanding of other people arise Negative consequences in society. People who are only interested in personal gain are otherwise called "egoists." Often such individuals do not have the ability to suppress their pride, listen to the opinions of others, so they consider their opinion the only

true. The inability to understand each other becomes a cause for conflicts, or the height of enmity. The ability to listen to other people, empathize with their experiences and penetrate the ideas of others is given the role of a huge valuable gift. A very good quality is the ability to understand other people. It is important for each person to have it in order to speak with other people in a language understandable to all, coming to a compromise.

M. Yu. Lermontov in the work “A Hero of Our Time” created the image of a person pursuing only his own interests. Pechorin did not understand other people. It is worth recalling in this regard the feelings of Bella, which he used as a personal toy, which eventually got bored with the hero and thrown away. This story ends tragically. The reader understands what is fraught with a selfish attitude towards the people around you.