Any age can be an arena for playing the script "", but its roots are always hidden in childhood. Often this problem interferes with a full life and, most importantly, with self-expression. A person is accompanied by extreme shyness, self-doubt, timidity in decisions and actions, envy against the background of bright selfishness, fear of being ridiculous.

It is possible that low self-esteem will prevent a person from ever achieving any success and taking a worthy position in life.

Causes of low self-esteem

If we talk about the reasons for low self-esteem, then they are rooted in childhood, when the child is unable to make an independent assessment of his own actions, but forms an opinion about himself on the basis of the judgments expressed within his immediate environment. Most often, we are talking about the reaction to the actions of the child on the part of his parents, about the lack of love for him, affection, about excessively high demands, accompanied by incessant criticism. As a result, criticism becomes the norm of his life, and self-esteem falls.

As the next reason for the formation of an underestimated one, the method of education, which involves setting a role model, can be considered. For example, a child is told: “Look how successful your grandfather is, do as he does.” At the subconscious level, an image of an ideal model of behavior is generated, however, attempts to bring it to life encounter obstacles of reality, as a result - a lack of correspondence between reality and the model, and from there - an internal conflict.

Soreness in childhood, or some flaws in appearance, in turn, can cause a decrease in self-esteem. The mockery of peers over shortcomings will certainly cause the progression of low self-esteem. The performance of tasks, successful or not, often throughout life becomes the cause of someone's criticism, and if such criticism is taken to heart, this will also be reflected in the level of one's own assessment.
It also happens that people, due to lack of experience, set themselves the fulfillment of unrealistic goals in too short periods of time. If they are not naturally achieved, such people feel the problems of worsening self-esteem. There is a loss of faith in yourself and in your own strength, the struggle for a dream stops.

Signs of low self-esteem

A characteristic feature that determines the individual level of self-esteem is the assessment of the personality by others. After all, the way a person relates to himself is largely reflected in the attitude of the surrounding society towards him. A person who does not love himself, most likely will not win third-party love either. Self-deprecation is a direct path to a low assessment in the eyes of others.
The natural desire of an individual with signs of low self-esteem will be the search and selection of appropriate partners. Such behavior is quite natural for people who are indecisive and unsure of themselves. Constant complaints about life and its disorder, about circumstances and the fate of helplessness are the lot of people with low self-esteem.
The inability and unwillingness to manage their own lives leads such people to irrepressible self-pity. They go to the fact that those around them hurt them, criticized them, even made them angry, and all this because of the dependence of their own character, because of the desire for external attention at any cost. Of particular joy is the possibility of getting sick, as a result of which close people show increased attention to them, readiness to serve.
People with low self-esteem have a pronounced tendency to blame anyone but themselves for all the problems that fall on them, with the blame placed on circumstances, on chance, on others. Because of the feeling of being an inferior person, they have a desire to humiliate and insult others. Often, those traits that they do not like in themselves, they see in those who are nearby, accusing them of non-existent sins and condemning them for non-existent actions and shortcomings.

Problems of low self-esteem are manifested not only in actions and in assessments, but. If a person who adequately evaluates himself and his own actions looks liberated and relaxed, then the one who suffers from his own underestimation will stand out from the crowd with lowered shoulders, a bowed head, sadness in facial expressions, and constraint of movements. The manner of dressing will also say a lot, because the way a person takes care of himself speaks a lot about his self-esteem.

If you pay attention to the reaction regarding critical statements towards people with a low level of self-esteem, then they instantly take each remark and remark to their own account. If such a person made a mistake and an analysis is taking place, because of which it could have happened, there is no constructivism on his part, and the opponent’s attempt to get to the bottom of the mistake is perceived by him as a personal deep insult.
Due to self-esteem problems, people are unable to dissociate themselves from the problem, they tend to associate dissonant situations with their own personality. Often boastfulness and familiarity, excessively loud self-expression (laughter, conversation) accompany communication with such people who try to put on various masks, but not be themselves. Masks are used to hide from people their own insolvency and self-doubt, which is an attempt to compensate for the lack or lack of inner dignity.

Often individuals suffering from low self-esteem do not have close friends. Dependent on self-hatred, they turn into loners who drop out of society, often turning into overly aggressive and picky individuals, stubborn and at the same time critical. All this is not conducive to the formation of friendly relations.
The dominant fear of making mistakes, the tendency to incessant doubts and hesitation leads to the fact that the individual stops any activity, or postpones it for an indefinite period. A person moves away from decision-making due to the inability to make a choice. So, suppose in a family, this state of affairs can lead to divorce. Marriages often break up, where one of the partners has a strong desire for constant dominance, control of the spouse's actions.

How to get rid of low self-esteem

A low or exaggerated assessment of oneself is the essence of the front and obverse of the medal of rejection of one's own personality. With the slightest failure, an immediate transformation of an overestimated self-esteem into an underestimated one occurs. Or vice versa, even a small success transforms low self-esteem into overestimated. In both cases, self-esteem does not correspond at all to the actual state of affairs. Hence the conclusion - both self-esteem can coexist in one person.

To understand how it is necessary to identify the causes of its origin and re-evaluate them. First of all, it is necessary to understand that along with perceived shortcomings there are real advantages, one should make sure that there are real strengths that can be highly appreciated by third parties. In order to overcome the problem, one should begin to receive joy and pleasure from life, and for this, first build simple plans and implement them, raising one's mood and thereby causing a smile.

To get rid of your low self-esteem, you should start loving yourself as you are, with all the shortcomings and mistakes you make. At the same time, it should be understood that, like all people, in addition to shortcomings, there are also virtues. It is noteworthy that controlling one's appearance, gait, and demeanor lead to noticeable improvements. If you suddenly notice that you are hunched over, look down at your feet, immediately turn your shoulders, look at the world openly, smile, remembering something pleasant, go forward, enjoying every step, breath.

To combat low self-esteem, you should learn to value yourself, intensive reading or doing something that causes genuine pleasure, which is really interesting, can help. Perhaps a change of job is necessary, and if this is not possible, then it is not bad to find an exciting hobby for yourself.
To overcome low self-esteem, self-control and the cultivation of purposefulness in oneself are necessary, which is facilitated by everyday physical activity, which strengthens not only the body, but also the spirit. A favorable attitude towards others, love for one's neighbor, the desire not only to receive from others, but to help them. All this significantly affects the improvement of self-esteem and gives each person weight in their own eyes. In order to change, it is worth starting to believe in yourself, in your own potential and capabilities, to get rid of painful thoughts about your shortcomings.

Character is destiny.

–Maya Plisetskaya

Low self-esteem- this is a negative idea of ​​​​a person about his merits, personal qualities and capabilities. This is a deliberate denigration of himself. We can say that it is low self-esteem, and not some “flaws”, heredity or a “bad” date of birth that makes people losers.

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Low self-esteem and its consequences

Low self-esteem affects fate. A person with low or unstable self-esteem, without noticing it, interferes with himself and others. He underestimates himself, which means he does not take advantage of the chances and opportunities that life provides him. In addition, such a person and close people inspire uncertainty, inability to achieve something serious and desirable.

Restriction of freedom of choice

Low self-esteem limits freedom of choice. A person is constantly afraid of making the wrong decision. He believes that he is not good enough to get what he wants, and therefore he follows the path of least resistance. For example, he chooses a solution that is obviously win-win, but absolutely unpromising. And all because, in his opinion, he simply will not overcome an interesting, but difficult path.

When joy does not please

Fix your attitude is a difficult task, but doable. And, undoubtedly, more important than buying even the best car or a ticket to an unforgettable vacation. The thing is that the joy of acquiring or new sensations in a person with low self-esteem is quickly replaced by a decline in strength and mood. Man is constantly limiting himself.

Low self-esteem- a huge energy hole that nullifies the results of any achievements and the feeling of satisfaction from them.

Do you have low self-esteem?

Determining if you have low self-esteem is not difficult. If you think that you are disastrously unlucky, that you are not succeeding and will not succeed, if you often remember your mistakes, then you have problems with self-esteem. Such a person often has a feeling of self-pity, fear that he will not be understood, and a desire to compare himself with others. He is very dependent on the opinions of others, so he wants to please and please everyone.

Seven Signs of Low Self-Esteem

Psychologists distinguish 7 signs of low self-esteem. If you notice them in a person close to you, it makes sense to advise him books on psychology or gently talk with him about his attitude towards himself.

So, the signs of low self-esteem include the following:

• the use of a huge number of negative phrases in speech;
• eternally bad mood or even depression;
• perfectionism, craving for perfection;
• lack of friends and company, desire to always be alone;
• fear of taking risks, taking on new things, achieving goals;
• appropriating the guilt of other people;
• lack of initiative.

Your looks are at risk

Low self-esteem manifests itself in another way - outwardly. As a rule, a person with low self-esteem often stoops, his facial expressions are sad, his movements are constrained, and his clothes are sloppy. However, the opposite situation is also possible. The unfortunate may wish that people do not appreciate him for who he is. Then a person with low self-esteem will always try to look perfect. But in facial expressions, gestures, postures, the true essence of his character will still manifest itself.

Negative fantasies about the intentions of others

It is difficult for an unfortunate person to build any relationship - whether it be friendships or even the creation of a family. After all, his insecurity is transferred to those around him. A person with low self-esteem believes that people communicate with him because they want something from him or it is so convenient for them. He is sure: there is nothing to love him for, and therefore he cannot believe in the sincerity of the feelings of others.

Why is low self-esteem formed?

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“All problems come from childhood” sounds trite, but it’s about low self-esteem.

What is self-esteem? It is how a person perceives himself. It is formed under parental influence, because in childhood it is impossible to evaluate oneself and one's actions - they are evaluated by parents, other close relatives or guardians. A person's self-perception comes precisely through their parents, it is not independently formed. As mom and dad "mirror" the child, so he perceives himself.

If a loser, then from childhood

If a child constantly hears words of reprimand, if he is scolded for any, even the smallest, misconduct, for bad grades and behavior, and also compared with more obedient / diligent / educated / talented / diligent children, he is doomed to low self-esteem. Yes, yes, since childhood, a little man may not be confident in his abilities and constantly feel guilty. Not the best qualities for a happy and successful life, right?

How to change the attitude towards yourself?

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Psychologist, consultant of the St. Petersburg Gestalt Institute Svetlana Petrova argues that the first step to healthy self-esteem is acceptance of yourself and your loved ones.

A person with low self-esteem rejects parts of themselves. You can’t completely get rid of low self-esteem, you can only accept yourself as you are. If we reject our parents, consider them bad and unworthy people, then we will never be able to increase our self-esteem. After all, mom, dad, other relatives or guardians are part of us, they shaped and educated us. To take the first step towards raising self-esteem, you need to thank your parents and accept yourself completely, with all the advantages and disadvantages, successes and failures.

Ways to increase self-esteem

There are three ways to raise self-esteem. Naturally, as we wrote above, you first need to accept yourself. Then there are three options.

1 way. You may benefit from suggestion techniques. These are affirmations, auto-trainings and neurolinguistic programming. The main thing is that the person with low self-esteem himself believes in their effectiveness, otherwise their application is doomed to failure in advance.

The first method works only as a temporary measure, since it acts on the cause of a bad attitude towards oneself.

2 way- Earn the approval of others. Unfortunately, this is what most people with low self-esteem do. If a person tries to be good for everyone, he does not do what he needs and is interested in, he achieves not his own, but other people's goals, he cannot freely express himself. Their whole life is spent on proving something not to themselves, but to others.

3 way. The most effective option is conscious work on oneself, correction of self-perception on a spiritual level. Yes, this method takes a lot of time and effort, but it is also the most productive. It is necessary to understand the true causes of low self-esteem and reduce the significance of someone else's opinion for yourself.

In addition, you should only surround yourself with people who are more confident in you than you are. Negative people, on the contrary, will try to nullify your virtues, say that nothing will work out for you, so they should not be in your environment.

Psychologist, Gestalt therapist Vyacheslav Ilyin gives important advice to which those who want to raise their self-esteem should listen.

First, according to Ilyin, it is necessary to separate your opinion of yourself from the opinions of other people. Even if someone in your life unfairly and constantly criticized you, this is not a reason to scold yourself.

- Accept yourself for who you are. With all the advantages and disadvantages. Stop biting yourself for your “minuses” and turn them into “pluses”.

- Enjoy your virtues and praise yourself for them. It is best to write down all your strengths to understand how many there are.

– Separate facts from their interpretation. Don't berate yourself for not being successful. It didn't work now, it will work next time. Most importantly, don't discount yourself.

In addition, books, close people or psychologists will help you work on yourself. Now there is a lot of literature on psychology, and in addition, there are specialists. You can also enlist the support of a loved one, it will be easier.

There are many ways to change your attitude! Even if you decide to act on your own, it is worth going to at least a few consultations with a specialist in order to know in which direction to proceed. And remember: you will reap the benefits of full-fledged work on yourself all your life!

People with healthy self-esteem have freedom of choice. They choose in life what they are really interested in and really need, without looking back at fears and limitations. Only they can succeed in life. There are no impassable paths, working on oneself will help any person become successful and happy!

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Low self-esteem - self-esteem, which, according to competent people, or according to objective indicators, is lower than adequate.

People with low self-esteem tend to feel bad about themselves, show indecision and cowardice.

Causes of low personal self-esteem

The reasons for low personal self-esteem are varied. More often than others, such reasons as negative others, or negative ones, are noted. If negative self-hypnosis is due to the fact that a person has the habit of seeing in himself predominantly negative sides and not noticing his own merits, considering his features as shortcomings, beating himself up for mistakes, they speak of self-rejection. See self acceptance.

Low self-esteem and the position of the Victim

What is often mistaken for low (low) self-esteem and honorably called "low self-esteem syndrome" or "victim complex", in fact, on the contrary, can be overestimated self-esteem: overestimated self-esteem plus a tendency to the position of the Victim creates the illusion of low self-esteem.

If a young man allegedly with a low estimate suffers: “Beautiful girls don’t pay attention to me, but I don’t like ugly ones ...” - what kind of low self-esteem is this? How do you need to value yourself in order to count on the attention of beautiful girls, objectively having no reason for this?! Normal self-esteem would suggest: “I don’t pull on beautiful girls, so I will be satisfied with the same as me.” Low self-esteem would push you to fall in love only with ugly people, because "Are beautiful people my level?" And if a person believes that beautiful girls are just his level, and suffers that they do not reciprocate, this is not underestimated, but overestimated self-esteem. Cm.

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The level of self-esteem in one way or another affects the actions of a person. A person constantly underestimates his capabilities, as a result, “life prizes” go to others. If your self-esteem is getting lower and lower, then the 20 tips in this article will help you. By starting to apply them in your life, you can increase your self-esteem and become a confident person.

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• You do not fully trust your own opinion.
• You are afraid of difficulties because you think that you will not be able to overcome them.
• You treat yourself much stricter than those around you.
• You often experience a sense of anxiety and think too much about small things.
• No matter how much you work, you feel like you're not doing enough.

Where does low self-esteem come from?

Psychologists believe that the reasons why people suffer from low self-esteem are rooted in childhood.

• Lack of attention or cruelty from parents.
• Exaggerated expectations of parents and, as a result, the feeling that the child is “not good enough”.
• Constant bullying from other children.
• Being in a hostile environment. For example, among people who are negatively disposed against the child in advance because of his belonging to another social group, nationality or religion.

How low self-esteem can affect us

Problems in personal relationships

People with low self-esteem may confuse the usual interest from the other person with care and love if they suffered from a lack of attention in childhood.

Also, low self-esteem can turn a person into a victim in a relationship with an abusive partner. He will consider that he is not good enough for a partner, and because of this, he will endure all his antics, up to beatings.

Problems at work

Low self-esteem causes people to remain silent during presentations and conversations with superiors. Because of this, they may not fully open up and show their skills. Company management is not always able to understand that an employee is simply shy, and may consider such an employee simply not gifted enough.

Depression

In the long term, low self-esteem can lead to depression. According to scientists, it is one of the key factors in the development of this disease.

What to do with it

Getting rid of low self-esteem will not help simple advice in the spirit of "feel more confident" and "believe in yourself."

First, you need to realize that there is a problem, and every time it seems to you that you are worse than others, pay attention to this and convince yourself.

Secondly, you need to find a way of self-realization, something that you really succeed in and at the same time brings you joy. Together with the support of loved ones, this will help to at least slightly increase self-esteem.

However, it is best to contact a qualified one and work on solving the problem with him.