Why do we feel lonely and how to deal with it? What to do about feelings of loneliness? I feel lonely and useless.

20.01.2022

Despite the fact that most of us live surrounded by many other people, we nevertheless often experience a feeling of loneliness that robs us of the joy of life. Loneliness corrodes our soul and makes our life meaningless, sometimes turning it into continuous torment. Many of you will surely agree with me that loneliness is bad, very bad and sad. Meanwhile, there are so many people around us that it would seem that there can be no talk of any loneliness, but nevertheless it exists and we feel it. Why do we feel lonely and why is loneliness perceived by us so painfully? And most importantly - what do we do with loneliness, how to get rid of it? We will talk about this, dear readers, in this article. And if you feel like a lonely person, I will help you solve this problem.

Loneliness is a special emotional state of a person in which he feels his uselessness and does not feel himself. A lonely person loses his sense of himself due to the lack of contact with other people, he falls into a void in which he, as a person, does not exist. This emotional state occurs at the moment when a person does not receive full attention from other people, when he does not feel a positive emotional connection with people or is afraid of losing it. At the same time, there can be a lot of people around him and they can even communicate with him. It's all about the form of this communication - a person can simply not be listened to, not heard and not understood. Often, when communicating with people, we feel that they simply do not hear us, and therefore do not understand, and therefore we begin to feel lonely. It turns out that communication with people seems to be happening with us, but it resembles communication with a wall, from which there is little use. So it’s not at all necessary to live on a desert island and be isolated from society in order to feel lonely, you can, surrounded by a huge number of people, not only feel, but really be a lonely person - if everyone doesn’t give a damn about you.

But why don't we give a damn about those who don't give a damn about us? And because we are social beings, we all depend on each other, because we are parts of a single whole, not to mention the fact that each of us needs a partner for a fulfilling life. This is how nature intended for a person to strive to continue his race and support life on earth and to take care not only of himself, but also of the people around him, since this increases his survival. Together, people are capable of much, they were able to build a civilization and together they can solve any problems they have, but one by one they will simply die out. Therefore, such a socio-psychological phenomenon as loneliness is quite understandable. We feel lonely because we make ourselves so - we alienate, move away from each other, we emphasize our individuality, forgetting about the need to fit into the society around us, noticing other people in it and becoming noticeable ourselves. And we will never be comfortable until we are objectively lonely, until we learn to be not only ourselves, but also a part of the society in which we live, and preferably, a part of all of humanity. So we cannot be indifferent to other people, especially when we lack attention, communication, understanding, respect and love. However, if we receive too much attention from other people, we inevitably begin to neglect it, we begin to choose - with whom it is interesting and profitable for us to communicate, and with whom not. If you don’t have friends, don’t have the right partner, you will certainly feel lonely. But it is quite possible, friends, that you yourself, too, at the moment do not notice someone who notices you. Think about it.

Loneliness, meanwhile, has a positive side - it is solitude. Some people do not need constant and abundant communication with other people, they can have a full-fledged internal dialogue with themselves, they can think, read books, do some favorite things and they will be quite comfortable. Loneliness for such people is not a punishment, but grace, however, in moderation, because, as mentioned above, we all need contacts with people and their attention to us. But to a certain extent, we all need solitude, it’s another matter that because of this we should not close ourselves off from the outside world, otherwise we will become outcasts, loners, people closed in on ourselves. And this will not do us any good, rest assured. Therefore, do not try to replace communication with people with communication with yourself; this will not save you from loneliness. Supplement communication with people with communication with yourself - supplement, but do not replace it with it, live a full life - look for suitable interlocutors and communicate with them.

But let's get back to the negative side of loneliness, after all, for most people, loneliness is a problem, not a blessing, which they somehow need to solve in order not to suffer because of it. And how can it be solved? First, friends, you need to find out what causes this problem. Pay attention to the way you live and how you relate to other people. If you lead an estranged lifestyle, if for some reason you are isolated from other people, then you need to correct this situation - you need to go out to people in order to be able to communicate with them. If you communicate with people, but at the same time you do not understand them, and they do not understand you, because of which you have conflicts during communication, forcing you to move away from them or them to move away from you, then you definitely need to work on your manner of communication. In most cases, we are deprived of attention to ourselves by other people, because of our misunderstanding of them, which we interpret as their misunderstanding of us. But blaming other people for not wanting to communicate with us or not wanting to understand us is simply pointless. People behave with us the way they want and how they are forced to behave, and most importantly, they behave with us the way we allow them to behave with us. So if we do not want to hear each other, then our communication will be so meaningless that it can be compared with communication with the wall, and therefore, there can be no mutual understanding and speech in such dead communication. So why do we spit on each other, why don't we notice each other, don't hear each other and don't want to understand each other? Is it all about our upbringing? Yes, and in it too, many people are selfish and therefore indifferent to other people, and those, in turn, are indifferent to them. So we all feel lonely, even in large cities, where there are a lot of people, and even having the Internet at hand, where you can communicate with anyone and on any topic. But selfishness is selfishness, and the main problem for a person who makes other people lonely, and at the same time himself, is his lack of need for other people. We don't need each other enough to want to understand each other. Or rather, we believe that we do not need each other, and we often see other people as more enemies than friends and therefore try to move away from them or simply not notice them. Because of this, as I said above, we ourselves make ourselves lonely. We should have a need for those around us, then we will be more open and friendly to them, and if we don’t feel this need, then other people will only interfere with us.

How often do we complain that we lack attention, love, respect, understanding? And what have we personally done to ensure that we have all this? Do we accept the love offered to us by other people who sincerely love us, do we respect their attention to us, do we try to understand other people when we communicate with them? Alas, friends, but in most cases we do nothing of this, in any case, most of us do not properly appreciate the attention, love, understanding and respect for ourselves from other people. And as a result, some of us come to proud loneliness, in which some people, because of their pride and perseverance, remain throughout their lives. But all you need is to try to understand other people, try to hear them and find a common language with them. But people are too selfish for this, they are mainly guided by their own feelings, their own desires, their own interests, and they do not care about others. Sometimes this is justified, sometimes not, but in most cases, not feeling the need for attention from some people, we deprive ourselves of the opportunity to live a rich and fulfilling life in which we will have many friends and fans. They don’t get lonely just like that, this is necessarily preceded by certain actions on the part of a person that force people to move away from him. Sometimes friends, you really should be simpler so that people start reaching out to you.

However, some people, with all their desire, are not able to establish positive contacts with other people, they are either uncommunicative themselves, or because of the negative experience of the past they have become so. Also, very often, communication difficulties arise in people with low self-esteem, because of which they are simply afraid to communicate, they are afraid of being unheard, misunderstood, and not accepted. There are other psychological factors that contribute to loneliness. So, if you find it difficult to establish contacts with people, because of low self-esteem, because of fear of them, because of your lack of sociability or for some other reason, then start working on yourself, either on your own or with the help of a specialist . Otherwise, you will create a vicious circle, when your inability and unwillingness to communicate with people will lead you to the fact that your self-esteem will fall even lower and your fear of people will become even greater. And then you may have depression, with all its inherent "charms" that can finally poison our lives. You definitely need to develop your communication skills in order to be able to make acquaintances with interesting people. And if you are already quite sociable, but there are few people around you with whom you could communicate and who could understand you, then you should urgently pay attention to your behavior in order to understand what exactly you should change in it. . Loneliness always has reasons that lie primarily in ourselves. When we feel the loneliness of the soul, when it seems to us that the whole world is against us, that no one needs us and our whole life is a complete misunderstanding, be sure that we do not understand something at this moment, we lose sight of something and something we do not attach importance.

I am absolutely sure that many people need each of us, just as we ourselves also need many of them. We all need each other, in one way or another. As soon as we realize this, we will certainly open up to each other and become closer to each other, and not physically closer, there seems to be no problem with this today, but spiritually. It's time for us to abandon the consumer attitude towards people and move to a new level of perception of this world, in which our relations with each other will take on a qualitatively new form. People must grow and develop so that such primitive and meaningless problems as loneliness stop bothering them. I also recommend that you engage in some creative activity that more than compensates for the lack of attention to you from other people. Sometimes we just feel alone, but we are not really so, we simply do not have the opportunity to express ourselves and therefore it seems to us that no one understands us. Express yourself in some work that is interesting to you, because every person without exception has some kind of talent, revealing and developing which he is able to surprise the world with his wonderful creation and express himself in this way. Then attention, and recognition, and respect, and love will be provided to you. People can't help but notice the person who created something beautiful.

And do not be afraid of people, friends. Of course, they are not ideal, and sometimes dangerous, but none of us can live a full life without them. You do not have to communicate with all people, communicate only with those who are closer to you in spirit and character, this will be quite enough so that you do not feel lonely. Try to study people, understand them, study their interests, goals, desires, and then you will be able to merge into their picture of the world and help them understand you. Draw their attention to yourself with the help of your activity and energy, because active and energetic people are hard to miss. Keep in mind that many people simply do not understand what their life should be like, what kind of people they should surround themselves with in this life, and who needs them in it. Therefore, try to convince them that they need you, show them yourself in all its glory. And you will be accepted. People are confused in their own created world, in which there is so much information that you can drown in it. Therefore, it is often difficult for them to focus their attention even on themselves, not to mention someone else who surrounds them. There are people around, but the person does not notice them, does not fully communicate with them, and therefore feels lonely. Loneliness is a problem we have imagined, in reality it does not exist. There is only misunderstanding by people of each other and their inattention to each other, because of which this heavy feeling arises.

Knowing yourself.

One of the causes of loneliness is condemnation and hostility towards others.

Many, many people in the world suffer from loneliness. And most of them think that loneliness comes from unfortunate life circumstances.

However, what makes a person lonely is, of course, his sins and passions. Any sin is like a thick board covering the window of the soul. And when we feel lonely, when we have thoughts: “No one loves me, no one understands me,” then we will not blame anyone for this. All the reasons why we feel lonely are rooted in our own heart. We ourselves have closed the windows of our souls for people with our sins. And getting rid of loneliness is easy. The more we strive against sin, the more our heart is cleansed of passions, the less we feel alone.

One of the most common causes of loneliness is JUDGMENT.

It can be said that loneliness and condemnation are related ailments of the soul. A judgmental person, wherever he is, is always dissatisfied with his surroundings. He wants to see neighbors next to him who would not have shortcomings, but he will never find such. Elder Emilian discusses this interestingly: “We want our neighbors to renounce themselves, surpass themselves, overcome their weaknesses, become prosperous and holy. And then we, together with them, will become prosperous and holy. But this cannot happen."

The most correct way for us is to deny ourselves, to transcend ourselves, to overcome our weaknesses.

It has been noted that it is precisely the one who condemns who has not gone through the path of fulfilling the gospel commandments, who has not experienced this work. And in order to overcome condemnation, we need to acquire such an attitude: the law of God was created personally for me.

Another remedy against condemnation is never to think about your neighbor. Our hearts, our minds are darkened by passions, and if we allow ourselves to think, then we inevitably have sinful thoughts, including thoughts of condemnation.

Elder Emilian (Vafidis) very accurately describes how this happens:
“Usually, when a person argues, he considers everyone to be worthless. This one does not work well, this one does not pray, does not have faith, the other does not have love, hope, he does not love God. For the slightest time of reflection, our mind can become a place full of ruins, because it is impossible, if we begin to reason, without deeming others as worthless. And even if I myself do not know all the bad sides of a person, then Satan will find them for me.

The thought of our neighbor becomes the starting point of our removal from him. The more we talk about any person, the more and more we move away from him. What can bring us closer? If we do not allow ourselves a single thought about our neighbor, if we replace every thought with prayer, then naturally reverence for our neighbor appears in our soul.

The neighbor becomes sacred to us. One can bow to a shrine, one can admire it and kiss it with the fear of God, but a shrine cannot be roughly seized and examined from all sides. So we do not consider our neighbor, we do not evaluate, we do not bring to judgment his merits and shortcomings, but we only reverently bow before him as before the image of God.

There is only one thought about our neighbor that we can afford. It sounds like this: what does my neighbor want? Does he need something? And such reflection is not only permitted to us, but even commanded. In any situation when we are near our neighbors, we should consider their needs. Abba Isaiah has, for example, the following teaching: “When you walk along the road, pay attention in everything to the thought of the weakest among you, whether he needs to rest a little.”

See how he says, "Pay attention in all things to the thought of the weakest among you." That is, be sensitive, be attentive, try to understand, feel what the other person feels. Especially if that person is weaker than you in some way.

With whomever we find ourselves next to, we will try to forget about ourselves and focus on our neighbor: how does he feel? What does he want? We will try to catch and fulfill his desire before he asks for it himself. When we force ourselves to do this, our heart softens, we stop judging. We sympathize with our neighbors, and they all become our family.

It is very important to deal with condemnation at the very beginning, to cut off the very first thoughts. If we succumb to condemnation, do not fight with it, then our heart is filled with HATE to our neighbors.

And this passion becomes another reason for loneliness. Many people think that hostility arises for objective reasons - because the neighbor is ugly or not smart enough, or with a bad character. In fact, the neighbor is never to blame for our hostility. If we feel hostility, then this means that our heart is sick, we have a wrong, distorted view of our neighbor.

Here is how Elder Emilian describes such a state: “When someone else enters our life, we begin to fuss and worry. On the one hand, we want someone to come to us, talk to us, love us, fill our loneliness. But when a neighbor really appears in our lives, we are immediately ready to drive him away, condemn, scold, say “no” to him and demonstrate with all our appearance that his presence burdens us.

I remember one incident, at first sight insignificant, but it made a great impression on me. This happened when we went to see Father Nikolai Guryanov. Father Nikolai always had a lot of visitors and among them a variety of people. And then one day an old man came to him, a very unprepossessing appearance. It was evident that he was from the village, very simple, poorly dressed, with some kind of basket over his shoulders. When he was walking to Father Nikolai, the priest saw him from a distance - and he beamed with joy, began to shout to him: “Come, come here quickly!” – although this old man was not even familiar to him. Father Nikolai's heart was overflowing with love for his neighbors, and behind the simplest appearance he saw in man the image of God.

And when we force ourselves not to pay attention to the minor shortcomings of our neighbors, then their virtues, the beauty of their souls, are revealed to us. We notice how many wonderful, worthy people are around us.
Sometimes we dislike people because they seem to treat us badly. “This person always looks at me frowningly. And this one never says hello to me, ”that’s what we think. But let's look into our soul. The reason why a person is cold towards us, most likely, lies in the fact that we were the first to show coldness towards him or think badly of him, and he felt it.

Here is how the righteous John of Kronstadt writes about this: “Our spiritual dispositions, even if not expressed by external signs, strongly affect the spiritual disposition of others. It happens all the time, although not everyone notices it. I get angry or have unfavorable thoughts about the other: and he feels it and likewise begins to have unfavorable thoughts about me. There is some means of communication between our souls.”

The hostility of people to each other is a kind of ghost, consisting of random thoughts. As a rule, there are no serious grounds for hostility. And just one person accidentally looked at the other frowningly, and he answered him with a cold look - and now they are both afraid and avoid each other. And they do not know what closeness between their souls, how deeply they could love each other if they did not pay attention to random words and glances.

And how many such cases have there been: two people look at each other with hostility, but now one decides to overcome this quiet enmity. He struggles with thoughts of hostility and actively shows his love - in a smile, in a kind word, in any kind of help. And then the other one also responds, softens, and they become close and dear people.

I would like to read one touching example from the works of St. Nicholas of Serbia: “A peasant said: “An enmity grew between me and a neighbor, like thorns: they could not look into each other's eyes. One winter night, my little son read the New Testament aloud to me, and when he read the words of the Savior: “do good to those who hate you,” I shouted to the child: “Enough!” All night I could not sleep, I kept thinking and thinking. How can I fulfill this commandment of God? How can I do a good deed for my neighbor?

And one day I heard a loud cry from a neighbor's house. After inquiring, I learned that the tax authorities had stolen all the cattle from my neighbor in order to sell them for debts. Like lightning, the thought pierced me: behold, the Lord has given you the opportunity to do good to your neighbor! I ran to court, paid taxes for the man who hated me more than anything in the world, and got his cattle back. When he found out about this, he walked around his house for a long time in thought. When it got dark, he called my name. I went to the fence. - Why did you call me? I asked him. He burst into tears in response to me and, unable to utter a word, wept and wept. And since then we live in more love than siblings.

It is natural for all people to love each other. This is how God made us – loving. And if thoughts of rejection arise between us, then we must understand that this is unnatural, this is an alien interference in our life, full of love and peace. The enemy puts up barriers between us, but these barriers are very easy to remove. They disappear like smoke when we fulfill the gospel commandments in relation to each other.

In general, there can be no loneliness where the Gospel is being fulfilled. Whatever happens, whatever misunderstandings occur between people, whatever their characters, even the most incompatible ones, if they try to keep the commandments of Christ, then there will be unity and love between them. Let us consider what the words of the Savior mean: “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there I am in the midst of them”? They can be understood as follows: when people, gathered together, communicate in the spirit of the gospel, then Christ blesses and sanctifies their fellowship, and He Himself dwells in their hearts.

And vice versa, even if people are very close in character and interests, but they do not communicate in a Christian way, they are guided not by commandments, but by passions, then there will never be true harmony between them, because there is no Christ among them. And each of them will be alone.

And I wish all of us that we strive in love for each other, that we squander ourselves for each other, and then our hearts will expand and God Himself will abide in each of us, according to the words of the Apostle: “No one has ever seen God. If we love one another, then God abides in us, and His perfect love is in us.”

From the conversations of the abbess of Dominica

If not perceived and not accepted by other people, a person may experience a feeling of loneliness, uselessness and longing, even if he is in society.

When a person is among other people, even close ones, but they do not understand and do not accept him, then he will also have a feeling of uselessness - a feeling of loneliness in the crowd.

Feelings of loneliness and worthlessness

A person expects understanding and recognition of his personality, feels the need for love. If this does not happen, he is aware of his alienation from the environment and experiences it as feeling of loneliness and useless to anyone.

In the presence of objective, real connections with others, a person can experience a feeling of loneliness (for example, in a family), if he sees that he is not loved, not understood.

Loneliness is an episodic acute feeling of anxiety and tension of a person associated with an unsatisfied desire to have friendly or intimate relationships.

The following types of human loneliness have been identified:

1. Hopelessly lonely, dissatisfied with their relationships, people with a feeling of emptiness, abandonment, deprivation.

2. Periodically and temporarily lonely people with the greatest social activity.

3. Passively and persistently lonely people who have come to terms with loneliness and have grown tired of it.

4. People who are not alone (do not feel this way), who have isolated cases of social isolation as a voluntary and non-depressing seclusion.

Carl Rogers identifies two types of human loneliness.

First associated with its alienation from itself, from its experience, from the functioning of its organism. This is a consequence of a failure in the perception or assimilation of stimuli that contribute to the development of the organism and its self-preservation.

Second type is associated with an assessment of the quality of relationships with other people or acceptance (non-acceptance) by a person of himself at the physiological and psychological levels.

These views of Rogers once again show how ambiguously the phenomenon of feeling of loneliness is understood, which is a consequence of an ambiguous understanding of communication.

The feeling of loneliness of a person stands out as

Situational and transient feelings of loneliness. Chronic loneliness occurs when a person cannot establish satisfactory relationships with significant people for a long period of life.

A situational feeling of loneliness may be the result of some unpleasant events: the death of a loved one, a break in marital relations. After some time, a person comes to terms with his loss and partially or completely overcomes loneliness.

Transient loneliness is expressed in short-term bouts of feeling of loneliness, which pass without a trace.
Loneliness is necessarily associated with experiences that arose as a result of dissatisfaction with ties with the outside world due to the superficiality or even rupture of these ties.

The feeling of loneliness is a painful emotional experience of subjective isolation, which takes possession of the thoughts and actions of the individual. It can be experienced as anxiety, depression, sadness, boredom, longing, nostalgia for lost connections, despair.

One can speak of loneliness only when the person himself realizes the inferiority of his relations with people in some important aspect. The experience of feelings of loneliness is influenced not so much by real relationships with other people, but by the idea of \u200b\u200bwhat these relationships should be. Therefore, a person who has a strongly pronounced need for communication experiences loneliness even if he contacts only one or two individuals, and someone who does not experience such a need may not feel a sense of loneliness even with a long absence of communication with people.

So, the feeling of loneliness is understood as a painful emotional state caused by real or imagined dissatisfaction with the need for interpersonal relationships (affiliation).

The origin of the feeling of loneliness

We are born alone, live alone and die alone, some scientists believe, others believe that for the first time the state of loneliness in an aggravated form appears in adolescence and adolescence. It was revealed that loneliness is more common in youth than in adulthood, and is more strongly felt among young people. (Teenager personality)
As a factor predisposing a person to a feeling of loneliness, they call his premature excommunication from maternal affection, as well as his shyness, it is also noted that a person’s lack of close intimate affection, significant friendships contributes to the emergence of loneliness.

The number of friends and the frequency of contacts with them are less significant factors than subjective relationship satisfaction. The feeling of loneliness does not decrease with intensive communication, it can weaken or disappear only with a trusting relationship and a feeling of emotional and human closeness of a partner.

12 causes of chronic loneliness have been identified:
1. Inability to endure forced seclusion.
2. Low self-esteem (by type: "They don't like me", "I'm a bore").
3. Social anxiety (fear of ridicule, condemnation, sensitivity
to someone else's opinion).
4. Communicative clumsiness, ineptitude.
5. Distrust of people (isolation, disappointment).
6. Internal stiffness (inability to open up).
7. Behavioral component (permanent choice of unsuccessful partners).
8. Fear of an opponent, fear of being rejected.
9. Sexual anxiety (inability to relax, shame, anxiety).
10. Fear of emotional intimacy.
11. Lack of initiative, lack of confidence in their desires.
12. Unrealistic claims (all or nothing, choice according to the model).

Feelings of loneliness and gender differences

The feeling of loneliness in women is associated with longing for a particular person, the absence of a loved one, (female obsession), while in men it is associated with the realization of their uselessness, with failure in self-realization, with dissatisfaction with their lives. Women are more diverse in finding activities and ways to cope with loneliness than men, and prefer active activities, while men are passive.

Lonely people consider themselves less competent than non-lonely people and attribute their failures in establishing interpersonal relationships to a lack of ability. In many cases, the establishment of intimate relationships causes them increased anxiety. They are less resourceful in finding ways to solve problems that arise in interpersonal communication.

Lonely people tend to dislike others, especially those who are outgoing and happy, thereby showing a defensive reaction and making it difficult for themselves to establish good relationships with people. Lonely people are focused on themselves, on their problems and experiences. They are characterized by increased anxiety and fear of the catastrophic consequences of an unfavorable set of circumstances in the future. When communicating with other people, lonely people talk more about themselves. They are easily irritated in the presence of other people, prone to not always justified criticism of the people around them.

Lonely people are highly self-critical, have low self-esteem, feel worthless, incompetent, unloved. They are overly sensitive to criticism and see it as confirmation of their inferiority. They have little trust in other people, which is reflected in the fact that they hardly perceive compliments in their address, they are extremely careful. Lonely people hide their opinions, often hypocritical. At the same time, they are highly suggestible or overly stubborn in interpersonal contacts.

The way a person responds to loneliness depends on how the person himself explains his loneliness. With an internal locus of control, when a person believes that everything that happens to him depends only on him, a lonely person often develops depression, and with an external locus of control, when everything falls on external factors, aggression. Therefore, a lonely person tends to be either submissive or hostile.
(aggressiveness)

Summing up what you read, you can identify 12 reasons for the feeling of loneliness (see above), and having engaged in introspection and correction of your personality, even without a specialist, although it is more reliable with him, you can achieve tangible results in overcoming this depressing feeling.

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In our world, there are many stereotypes about loneliness: they say that it is a disease of modern society and that choosing to live alone is like burying yourself alive. However, not all scientists are of this opinion. Neurologist John Cacioppo is sure that the feeling of loneliness is an acquired skill, and sociologist Eric Kleinenberg says that the modern world has become ideally suited for solo living.

We are in site Let's talk about 7 myths about loneliness that you should stop believing in for a long time.

Myth #1: We only feel lonely when we are away from people.

About how easy it is to be alone and surrounded by people, many books have been written and many films have been made. Loneliness does not depend on what is happening around a person. First of all, this is only his internal state. Which means living alone, you can not be alone at all.

An ingrained stereotype says that the peak of loneliness is old age. However, according to a study by European psychologists, people feel the most lonely in adolescence - when there are a lot of people around.

Myth No. 2. The world is now experiencing an epidemic of loneliness.

We all could hear that the world is now swallowed up by a wave of loneliness. This is partly true - modern young people are often in no hurry to start a family.

In the modern world, where we have endless access to information and can communicate online, there are more and more people who do not feel lonely when they are alone with themselves for a long time.

“He who is not sufficiently developed as a person, who is not able to enter into a one-on-one relationship with the world, really suffers in solitude. He loses connections with other people and does not find a worthy interlocutor in himself, - says psychologist Dmitry Leontiev. “And outstanding people - spiritual teachers, writers and artists, scientists, military leaders - greatly appreciated loneliness as the most important resource for creativity and self-development.”

Myth No. 5. We are not adapted to life solo.

A century or two earlier, it is quite possible that such a statement would have taken place. However, now in connection with gender, technological and sexual revolutions, this statement is disappearing as archaic.

Eric Kleinenberg, author of Living Solo, says that the sanctity of the family has been driven for centuries by the tasks of survival. In his work, he deduces 4 factors that contributed to the fact that living alone has become comfortable.

1. Changing the role of a woman - today she can work and earn on an equal footing with a man and is not obliged to consider family and childbearing as her destiny.

2. A revolution in the means of communication - telephone, television, and then the Internet allow you not to feel cut off from the world.

3. Mass urbanization - it is much easier to survive alone in a city than in a rural outback.

4. Increased life expectancy - many widows and widowers today are in no hurry to enter into a new marriage or move to children and grandchildren, preferring to lead an active independent life.