English jokes. Funny jokes in English with translation
If smokers' illnesses are depicted on cigarette packs, photos of Happy Meals obese on boxes should also be placed. (Obese - colloquial definition of overweight people; Happy Meal - a product of a well-known brand) In principle, in this case, you can say, despite the word pictures, but you should not abuse it.
Waiting for you at the foot of the hill to draw over.
The science. Engineering. Free Arts.
It is better not to receive awards than to receive and be responsible for it.
Text message. Today I sent out a message: "Hi, I lost my phone, could you call me back." Twelve people called back. I should look for smarter friends.
I wanted to visit thirty different countries before I turned thirty. But only reached twenty-six.
And what should I do in this match? Just kidding, I know what to do. Man, how do you do it in every match? I don't know, it's my gift.
Respect for the guy! I feel sorry for the Brazilian fans, we wanted to make them happy. We wanted to do this for those who suffered so much in Brazil. We wanted to make you happy in the World Cup. But we couldn't do it.
When I see names carved into wood, I don't find it cute, I just find it strange how many people carry knives on dates.
Germany always pays its debts. 1999: Brazil 4-0 Germany; 2002: Brazil 2-0 Germany; 2004: Brazil 1:1 Germany; 2014: Brazil 1:7 Germany. Leveled up.
While the British are surprised at the absurdity of Russian humor, trying to translate our jokes about Kolobok, Stirlitz and the Chukchi, we often ourselves remain with the most serious expression on our faces in the company of Englishmen or Americans laughing at jokes. It is clear that everyone has their own reasons for laughing and what seems funny to one may remain underestimated by another. Humor is sometimes an individual thing, but often a national one. Each nation has its own habits, historical features, mentality, which often become the subject of ridicule. Folklore and fairy-tale characters often appear in Russian jokes. About only Kolobok, we have come up with many funny stories. And the British, for example, like to joke about certain events in the royal family.
To understand an English joke, you need not only to know the language itself, but also to have some understanding of the history, culture and way of life of the nation. Please note that the very word "anecdote" in English is by no means anecdote, but joke. Anecdote is translated into Russian as "a short story, a case from life."
English jokes are often based on word play. Therefore, with a literal translation into Russian, such anecdotes seem not at all funny. But those who speak the language at a decent level often give out interesting verbal puns themselves. Humor is an invariable part of live communication.
The ability to defuse the situation with an original joke said to the place is even considered a talent in some way. If you find it difficult to improvise in a foreign language, then you can simply try to memorize interesting English jokes. Jokes, like aphorisms and quotes, expand the vocabulary, help to comprehend the peculiarities of the mentality of the nation.
In order to better understand jokes in English, you will need to educate yourself. If you watch British and American series, films, TV shows, you will be able to "be in the subject" of a casual conversation between the inhabitants of England and the United States. You need to be prepared for the fact that the humor of the inhabitants of English-speaking countries differs significantly in view of their more liberal views.
Why is it useful to learn English jokes?
As you know, in every joke there is a share of a joke. Anecdotes do not arise from scratch, they often contain some kind of worldly wisdom. Try to read the witticisms that are full of articles in British periodicals, and you will understand what the political sentiment and economic situation in a country that people think about. Jokes are often like a spotlight that highlights the problems of society. If you intend to live in another country and, at the same time, do not want to be limited to a society of expats abroad, then you should familiarize yourself with English jokes and jokes, if only in order to begin to better understand the people around you.
An anecdote in English can make you the soul of the company, interest the interlocutor, and sometimes turn the conversation into a more fun direction. Do not forget about such practical benefits of memorizing jokes as vocabulary expansion and memory training. capacious ironic quote in English, in the future, it can become a kind of template that you will rely on when you want to build another phrase yourself.
Jokes in English about Russia
For centuries, Russia and English-speaking countries have maintained cultural, political and economic ties. It is not surprising that during all this time many anecdotes have appeared on English language about Russia and Russians. The Americans and the British have gradually moved from jokes about communism to jokes about Putin. Of course, many of their stories about Russians are not devoid of some politicization and stereotyping. Bears, vodka, comrades, prominent historical figures, democracy - all this often becomes the subject of jokes about Russia. On the Internet, the meme “in Soviet Russia” is very popular, telling about various oddities and peculiarities of our country.
And here are examples of jokes in English about Russia:
An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom. The American says, "I can walk right up to the White House and shout "Down with Donald Trump!" and nothing bad will happen to me. The Russian replies, Guess what? I can walk in front of the Kremlin and shout "Down with Donald Trump!" and nothing will happen to me either".- An American and a Russian are arguing about which country has more freedom. The American says: “I can go straight to the White House and shout: “Down with Donald Trump!” And nothing bad will happen to me.” The Russian replies: “So what? I can stand in front of the Kremlin and shout “Down with Donald Trump!” And nothing will happen to me either.”
Vladimir Putin celebrated his birthday. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.- Vladimir Putin celebrated his birthday. It was a good party, but it got awkward when two of his friends gave him the same country.
Question to Radio Armenia: "Is it possible to build Communism in a random capitalist country like, say, the Netherlands?" Answer: "Of course it's possible but what have the Netherlands ever done to you?"- Question on Radio Armenia: "Is it possible to build communism in a random capitalist country, such as, say, the Netherlands?" Answer: “Of course it is possible. But what did the Netherlands do to you?”
Question: When was the first Russian election held? Answer: The time that God set Eve in front of Adam and said, "Go ahead, choose your wife."- Question: When were Russian elections held for the first time? Answer: When God put Eve in front of Adam and said: "Come on, choose a wife."
Russian doctor: "This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression." Patient: "Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?"- Russian doctor: "This is a cure for insomnia, this is for nervous disorders, and also take this for depression." Patient: "Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?"
Russian jokes in English
A Russian joke in English is not always clear to a foreigner. Sometimes you have to explain what, in fact, to laugh at. Not every Briton or American knows who Kolobok, Baba Yaga or Pinocchio are. And here is a list of popular Russian jokes in English with translation.
Chukcha bought a refrigerator.
- What do you need this fridge for? You live in Siberia.
- To warm up during winter. Imagine the joy - it`s -40 outside and +4 in the refrigerator.
Translation:
Chukchi bought a refrigerator. He is asked:
Why do you need this refrigerator? You live in Siberia.
- To keep warm in winter. Imagine joy: -40 outside the window, and +4 in the refrigerator.
Kolobok hanged himself.- The gingerbread man hung himself.
Buratino drowned. Pinocchio drowned.
Kolobok goes to the bathhouse, comes out and says: "Damn, forgot to wash my head!"- Gingerbread man goes to the bathhouse, comes out and says: "Damn, I forgot to wash my hair!"
At the mother-in-law's funeral two accordions were broken.- Mother-in-law was buried. Broke two accordions.
English jokes about the royal family
As you know, any appearance in the light of a representative of the British royal family immediately attracts public attention. Well-known reporters in the English press almost compete for the title of the author of the best joke about Elizabeth II and her titled relatives. However, when telling jokes about the royal family, you need to be careful. The fact is that the British themselves do not really like it when foreigners joke about this topic. Below we give examples of jokes about the family of Elizabeth II.
It seems that England's royal family is running out of money. They are down to just $1.6 million. Well sure, that's what happens when nobody in your family has had a job for the last thousand years.- The royal family seems to be running out of money. They only had about $1.6 million left. Still: this is what happens when no one in the family has worked for a thousand years.
In fact, to make ends meet the Queen is thinking of having a yard sale. Getting rid of a lot of stuff they don't use anymore, like Canada.- To make ends meet, the Queen is thinking of having a sale in her yard, that is, getting rid of a bunch of things that she no longer uses, like Canada.
Queen Elizabeth met the royal baby yesterday. The baby cried, so Queen Elizabeth explained: "You"ll never have to work a day in your life".- Yesterday Queen Elizabeth visited the royal child. He was crying, so the Queen consoled her, "You won't have to work a day in your life."
Jokes on a political theme
Historically, there has been a lot of discussion about politics in the UK. Naturally, the British and Americans also like to joke about the political situation in other countries, for example, about democracy in Russia or the regime of Kim Jong-un. And, of course, when meeting Russian, most Britons will try to talk about politics. To be prepared for such conversations, it will not be superfluous to remember at least a few jokes on this topic.
A liberal is just a conservative that hasn't been mugged yet.- A liberal is just a conservative who hasn't been robbed yet.
Don't steal, don't lie and don't cheat. The government hates competition. Don't steal, don't lie, don't cheat. The government hates competitors.
I don "t approve of political jokes...I" ve seen too many of them get elected.- I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many jokes like this win the election.
My love is like communism; everyone gets a share, and it's only good in theory.- My love is like communism: everyone gets his own, but it's good only in theory.
Question: What do you call a basement full of Liberals? Answer: A whine cellar. Question: What do you call a cellar full of liberals? Answer: wine cellar (a play on the words wine - "wine" and whine - "whining").
The best English jokes from movies
English jokes can be relentlessly drawn from movies, TV series and cartoons. Writers spend a lot of time making up jokes for their characters. Not surprisingly, funny phrases from films become memes and are remembered by fans.
Three tomatoes are walkin" down the street. Papa Tomato, Mama Tomato and Baby Tomato. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato gets really angry. Goes back and squishes him and says: "Catch up".- Three tomatoes are walking down the street: Papa Pomodoro, Mama Pomodoro and Baby Pomodoro. The baby starts to fall behind and Papa Pomodoro gets very angry, comes back, squeezes the baby and says, "Catch up" (Uma Thurman, "Pulp Fiction"). The joke is based on a play on words: catch up and ketchup.
I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have made the world by Thursday.- I work harder than God. If He had hired me, He would have created the world by Thursday (“Keeping the Faith”).
There"s an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of "em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible". The other one says, “Yeah, I know; and such small portions.- Here's an old joke... Two elderly women are relaxing in the Catskill mountain resort. One of them says: "Oh, the food here is just terrible." And the other to her: “Yes, don’t talk. And the portions are so small. ("Annie Hall").
English jokes you like with translation into Russian should be written in a separate notebook with other quotes. So you will not lose a valuable idea and you can always return to it in order to memorize it. At the same time, it is absolutely not necessary to memorize jokes verbatim, the main thing is to catch the meaning. If necessary, you can explain the jokes in your own words.
Hello dear readers! Glad to see you on my blog page. Today I propose to read jokes in English, have fun and usefully spend time.
When you read books, articles in English, or are you able to understand all the jokes? Or maybe you got into a situation where someone told funny jokes and everyone around laughs, except for you? Let's check?
I made a selection of short English jokes on different topics. In general, the British like to laugh at themselves, but they also have a lot of good jokes about Russians. One of the best categories is considered jokes about (but I still wonder what nation is their author?). Jokes about the school will be interesting for children and students. Let's start with them!
About study
Student : brains like Bermuda triangle– wheninformation goes in it is never found again.
Translation.
Student: Brains are like the Bermuda Triangle - once information enters it, it can no longer be found.
teacher : Ikilledaperson. Tom Greenonvert this sentence into Future Tense, please.
Student Tom Green : You will go to prison.
Translation.
Teacher: I killed a man. Tom Green, reformulate this sentence into the future tense. Student: You will go to jail.
Ifasingle teacher can't teach us all subjects, then how can you
expectastudent to learn all of them?
Translation.
If one teacher cannot teach us all subjects, how can a student be expected to learn them all?
One day
Hardwork never killed anybody, but why takeachance?
Translation.
Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take the risk?
wife : Darling,yesterday nightIsawa wonderfuldream - you were sending
me expensive clothes and jjewelry. Husband: Yeah, andIsaw your dad paying the bill.
Translation.
Wife : Dear, yesterdaylast night I dreamed about you sending me expensive clothes and jewelry. Husband: Yesand I saw your father pay the bill for it.
Ialwayslearn from the others' mistakes — those who take my advice.
Translation.
I always learn from the mistakes of others - those who follow my advice.
About everything
- Whatis the longest word in the English language?
- « Smiles». Because there isamiles between its first and last letters!
Translation.
What is the longest word in the English language?
— « Smiles». Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter!
Thegirl andtheboy are talking. The girl says," You could bean excellentdancer except for two things." The boy asks, « And what are they?» The girl answers," Your feet."
Translation.
A conversation between a girl and a boy. The girl says: "You could be a great dancer if it weren't for two problems." The boy asks: "What?" The girl replies: "Your legs."
- Willyou tell me your name?- Will. knot.- why not?
Translation.
- Can you tell me your name? - Yes. Note - Why not?
- Book « The best English jokes» add a sea of cool jokes to your piggy bank! Recommend.
- A this compilation (albeit in electronic form) will enrich your library not only with anecdotes, but also with famous legends and popular fairy tales.
- Popular English and American jokes in the context of language learning, this is an excellent option that the notorious Ilya Frank offers us.
- And another collection « The best English jokes» will make you smile more than once and at the same time not strain, but enjoy easy reading.
About the English Queen
At the beginning of the article, I said that jokes about English Queen quite popular. Yes, but such jokes are more loved by representatives of other nations, for example, we Russians. The British themselves do not particularly welcome such topics ... Are they afraid of the wrath of a long-lived monarch, or is it really in their blood - to be correct in everything !? What do you think, eh?
But still, I managed to find one funny anecdote. I don’t even know who could come up with it?….
Once Bernard Shaw dropped the phrase that all women are corrupt. The English Queen heard that and when meeting Shaw, asked him:
"Is it true, sir, that you are saying that all women are corrupt?"
Yes, Your Majesty.
— And me too?! exclaimed the queen indignantly.
"And you too, Your Majesty," Shaw said calmly.
"And how much am I worth?" asked the queen.
"Ten thousand pounds" Shaw said at once.
— What, so cheap?! The queen resent.
"You see, you are already bargaining about the price," the playwright smiled.
Translation:
Once Bernard Shaw dropped the phrase that all women are corrupt.
The Queen of England, having learned about this, at a meeting with Shaw asked:
“Is it true, sir, that you say that all women are corrupt?”
“Yes, your majesty.
- And me too?! the queen was outraged.
“And you too, Your Majesty,” Shaw replied calmly.
“And how much am I worth?” burst out from the queen.
“Ten thousand pounds sterling,” Shaw determined immediately.
— What, so cheap?! the queen was surprised.
“You see, you are already bargaining,” the playwright smiled.
Sometimes Russian people cannot comprehend the meaning of subtle and sharp English humor, because. often there are difficulties with the translation into Russian. There is an opinion that English humor is peculiar and difficult to perceive. What is the reason?
This is because many jokes are based on the double meaning of phrases or the use of similar-sounding but different-sounding words (that's what I'm talking about, by the way). Therefore, it is so important to know the language well, above average.
That is why I recommend that you immediately subscribe to my blog and practice learning the language regularly. Tell your friends and share the information received through links on social networks. Until then, stay tuned for more articles!
Wife: Yesterday night I saw a dream that you were sending me expensive clothes and jewelry.
Husband: Yeah, and I saw you dad paying the bill.
Wife: Last night I dreamed about you sending me expensive clothes and jewelry.
Husband: Yes, and I saw your father pay the bill for it.
Teacher to doctor's daughter: Your grades are terrible! I shall send for your farther!
The doctor's daughter: If I were you, teacher, I wouldn't. Daddy always charges 20 dollars for each visit.
Doctor's daughter's teacher: Your grades are terrible! We'll have to call your father!
Doctor's daughter: If I were you, teacher, I wouldn't do that. Daddy charges $20 for each visit.
If a single teacher can't teach us all subjects, then how can you expect a student to learn all these subjects?
If one teacher cannot teach all subjects, how can a student be expected to learn them all?
Boy: Our principal is so stupid.
Girl: Do you know who I am?
B: no.
G: I am the principal's daughter.
B: Do you know who I am?
G: No.
B: Good (walks away).
Boy: Our principal is so stupid.
Girl: Do you know who I am?
M: No.
D: I am the director's daughter.
M: Do you know who I am?
D: No.
M: Well, good (turns around and leaves).
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper that we use to write one exam. Join us in promoting the noble cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO EXAM.
It takes 15 trees to produce the amount of paper we use to write one exam. Join us in advancing the good cause of saving trees. SAY NO TO THE EXAM.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.
The bus station is where the bus stops. Railroad station This is where the train stops. I have a workstation on my desk.
Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?
Hard work has never killed anyone, but why take the risk?
I really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
I really really need a day between Saturday and Sunday.
One day a woman goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the woman to the section with parrots and suggests her to choose one. The woman is interested in the price, “How much is the orange one?”
The man says, "$3000." The woman is really surprised and asks the man why the orange parrot is so expensive.
The man explains, “It is a very talented. He can type really fast.”
"What about the green one?" the woman asks.
The man replies, “He costs $6000 because he can not only type very fast, but he also answers incoming calls and takes notes.”
"What about the red parrot?"
The man says, "That one's $10,000."
The woman is very surprised, “What does HE do?”
The man replies, “I don’t know, but the other two call him boss.”
One day a woman comes to the pet store to buy a parrot. The clerk escorts her to the parrot section and tells her to choose one. The woman asks, "How much is an orange?" The salesperson says "$3,000". The woman is very surprised and asks the seller why the parrot is so expensive.
The seller explains: “This parrot is very special. He can type and does it very quickly.”
"What about green?" the woman asks.
The salesperson says, "He's worth $6,000 because he can type, answer calls, and take notes."
"What about red?" the woman asks.
The salesperson says, "This one costs $10,000."
The woman asks: "What does HE do?"
The salesman says, "I don't know, but the other two call him the boss."
John returned home late and found a naked man in his wife's bedroom closet.
“Hey, what are you doing in there?”
“I'm riding a bus.”
“That's a stupid thing to say!”
“That's a stupid thing to ask!”
The outgoing summer cannot be stopped, and now millions of schoolchildren and students around the world are preparing to sit down at their desks on Knowledge Day. For people studying English, September 1 is also a special date: it's time to start studying after a summer holiday. How difficult it is to immediately take up the exercises! We offer an alternative: start with jokes in English about studying, learn a couple of new words and remember after the summer what English letters look like :-)
There is an opinion that English should be taught only to those people who are going to move abroad or work with foreign contractors. And how frustrating it can be, for example, not to get a desired position in an ordinary domestic company just because the other candidate speaks English, and you only speak Russian. And it’s also very uncomfortable abroad: without an interpreter, you feel almost helpless. Do you still think that you don't need to know English? Then read a short comic story about why it is important to know foreign languages and how they can save your life.
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that"s why it"s important to learn a second language.”
A family of mice was taken by surprise by a large cat. Papa Mouse jumped up and said, “Wow, wow!” The cat ran away. "What was that, dad?" asked the little mouse. "Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."
How do you know that knowledge foreign language can save a life, so learn English to show off your knowledge and keep yourself out of trouble if necessary. First of all, you will most likely learn new words in English. There are dozens of ways to memorize them, various applications and sites that game form help you learn new vocabulary. However, English learners still complain that words quickly fly out of their heads. If you are experiencing the same problem, use the recommendation from the following joke.
Stressing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told students, “Use a word ten times, and it shall be yours for life”. From somewhere in the back of the room, came a voice whispering, “Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money.”
Emphasizing the importance of a good vocabulary, the teacher told the students, "Use a word ten times and it will be yours for the rest of your life." From somewhere deep in the room comes a whisper: "Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money."
Let's hope the teacher's advice worked and the student really got rid of financial problems. However, there is some truth in every joke: indeed, try to use a new word several times in speech, and then it will quickly become “yours”, that is, it will be well remembered. And in addition to learning words, do not forget about other activities. We would like to remind you of the simplest and at the same time the most important principle of learning any foreign language - all skills and aspects must be improved at the same time: speaking, listening, reading, writing, learning new words and grammar. Otherwise, an incident may happen to you, as in the following story.
Mother: “What did you learn in school today?”
Son: How to write.
Mother: “What did you write?”
Son: “I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!”
Mom: "What did you learn at school today?"
Son: "Write."
Mom: "What did you write?"
Son: "I don't know, they haven't taught us how to read yet!"
Do not forget about the implementation homework. Believe me, the teacher does not ask him out of harm and the desire to ruin your evening. Homework helps to consolidate knowledge and check whether you have understood a particular topic well. At the same time, you should not be afraid of difficulties and misunderstandings, gradually you will get rid of them. But what you really should be wary of is too easy homework. Why? Learn from the following law of meanness.
If homework goes too easy you are doing it wrong.
If it's too easy for you to do your homework, you're doing it wrong.
To prevent the above law from working, try to take a responsible approach to doing homework, do the exercises carefully. At the same time, do not be afraid to make mistakes, because they can always be corrected, your teacher will be happy to help you. The path to good knowledge always lies through mistakes, corrections, constant improvement of one's knowledge. There is even a special abbreviation that emphasizes the main secret in learning anything:
F.A.I.L. = First Attempt In Learning
Failure = first attempt at school
Now you will not be afraid of small inaccuracies in English and will boldly and diligently do your homework. But what if you have so little free time that one day you forget to do it? In this case, do not rush to immediately declare this to the teacher, be creative in solving this issue. Start a conversation with the teacher from afar, put him to a standstill. We offer a universal answer.
Pupil: “Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?”
Teacher: “Of course no.”
Pupil: “Good, because I didn't do my homework.”
Student: "Master, would you punish me for something I didn't do?"
Teacher: "Of course not."
Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."
We hope you will not abuse this excuse and will always do your homework. I would like to note that the teacher should instill love for the subject, and hence for doing homework. And it’s good if you are lucky with an English teacher and you are happy to study, do exercises and feel progress. What if you got a boring teacher? In this case, the following incident may occur.
A teacher is droning on and on in the classroom when he notices a student sleeping in the back row. The teacher shouts to the sleeping student"s neighbor, “Hey, wake him up!” The student yells back, “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
The teacher is monotonously saying something to the audience when he notices that the student in the back row is sleeping. The teacher shouts to the neighbor of the sleeping student: "Hey, wake him up!" The student yells back: “You put him to sleep, you wake him up!”
Probably, all of you remembered how you wanted to sleep (and sometimes slept wonderfully) at a lecture to the monotonous speech of some very smart, but very boring professor. And it was so insulting to wake up, feeling his angry gaze on me. It seemed that the world was cruel and unfair to sleepy students. The following phrase conveys all the pain of eternally sleepy students.
Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams... But yet they don't let us sleep in class!
Teachers always tell us to follow our dreams... But despite this, they won't let us sleep in class!
It's time to jump out of the fun student life these days. Now we are adult serious people and we understand the importance of learning a foreign language. However, extraordinary resourcefulness, the ability to find a way out of any situation and the answer to any question remained with us forever. See how cleverly you can answer a teacher who asks you to conjugate verbs.
The teacher to a student: “Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.”
The student: “I walk... You walk...”
The teacher interrupts him: “Quicker please.”
The student: “I run... You run...”
Teacher to student: "Conjugate the verb" walk "in the simple present tense."
Student: "I'm walking... You're walking..."
The teacher interrupts him: "Faster, please."
Student: "I'm running... You're running..."
No matter how great it is to have fun, but at the end of the article we would like to quote a serious and very symbolic quote from William Butler Yeats about education. We hope it will inspire you to new feats in learning English.
Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire.
Education is not filling a bucket with water, but kindling a fire.
We wish this academic year was easy for you and you learned English with pleasure. Set yourself bold language learning goals and work hard to achieve them. We are sure you will succeed!
