Cash flow and self-esteem. Self-esteem
The virtues of a person can be judged not by his good qualities, but by how he uses them.
F. La Rochefoucauld
Psychotherapist Linda Sanford, who coined the term "self-esteem," did a great job of helping her patients raise their self-esteem.
Here is what she writes: “As a child, I had a low opinion of myself, and perhaps the most important thing that we learned while working on our book is the understanding that self-esteem is not something innate, given from God, it needs to be developed in itself.
Feel what wonderful words! Do you understand what that means?
Even if at the moment you give yourself only a “C”, this does not mean at all that it will remain so forever!
You will be able to develop a sense of self-worth, you will be able to increase your self-esteem. There will come a time, and soon enough, when you can give yourself an "A"! And I really hope that this book will help you with this. The most important thing is not to be lazy.
In order to solve a problem, you need to set a goal for yourself - that is, scientifically speaking, to create a dominant. In your case, the dominant is the formation of an adequate self-esteem.
Self-esteem should not be overestimated (then they will laugh at you) or underestimated (then everyone who is not lazy will wipe their feet on you, and you yourself will not respect yourself).
Know what's in interpersonal relationships with guys (and then - men) you need to be equal partners!
The trouble with many girls is that they do not know how to demonstrate their obvious virtues.
And, of course, everyone has advantages! There are no people woven from some shortcomings, just as there are no people consisting of some virtues. Every person has both good and bad.
Bad qualities should not be shown to anyone and try to overcome, and good qualities should be able to emphasize.
Who came up with this stupid thesis: modesty adorns a girl? Maybe it decorates, if there are no other advantages. In the last century, modesty may have been valued. Times are different now. Now individuality is valued.
Modesty adorns ... another girl.
The most important qualities in the fair sex, which are the key to her happy fate, are self-esteem, self-respect, self-confidence and adequate self-esteem.
For normal self-esteem, you need to soberly and objectively treat yourself. Next to you there are girls and girls who are superior to you in some way - more beautiful, more charming, more intelligent, more successful, more intelligent, more educated. So what? It is impossible to be the best, just as it is impossible to absorb everything positive traits. Ideal people there is no need to strive for the ideal. You are who you are, and love yourself as you are!
A person who does not love himself cannot inspire love for himself.
Surely in your environment there are girls who are inferior to you in some way. Compare yourself with them, analyze how they behave - do they also have complexes or accept themselves as they are?
You are no worse than others, you are different from other people, you are an individual.
It is just as impossible not to have a single advantage as it is not to have a single disadvantage.
MOSCOW, October 17 - RIA Novosti. A person's self-esteem does not depend on his material well-being: it can be much higher for a janitor than for an oligarch. However, for people with disabilities, the opportunity to work and earn money allows them to feel like a full-fledged member of society, experts and psychologists interviewed by RIA Novosti believe.
World Dignity Day, which is held annually on October 17 in more than 50 countries around the world, is designed to draw society's attention to fostering a sense of leadership and self-respect. In Russia, this event is held for the second time and it is expected that special events for this day will be held at educational sites in Moscow, St. Petersburg and Ulan-Ude.
You may not be an oligarch...
Each person has self-esteem, the only difference is that it is different for everyone, psychotherapist Konstantin Olkhovoy noted. "One of the main determinants of the size of a sense of dignity can be the size of the line beyond which a person is ready to go or not ready to go and considers it unworthy of himself. Some consider it unworthy to humiliate and offend other people, while others believe that they should not reckon with the opinion strangers," Olkhovoy said.
According to him, a sense of dignity is determined by the upbringing of a person. A janitor's self-esteem can be much higher than, for example, an oligarch's. “I think that the material side plays a secondary role here. It’s another matter if a person, for example, was brought up from childhood in such a way that only the rich can have self-esteem, then poverty for this person will have a determining factor,” the expert believes.
Olkhova believes that in order to cultivate the right sense of self-esteem in a person, it is important not only to love the child, but also to respect his views. “Too often we forget that a child is an independent person, with his own problems and joys. And the more we respect our own children, the more self-esteem arises in the child. If the child sees that they are treated with respect to him, to other people , often this forms a sense of self-worth, which does not infringe on the feelings of other people, but supports oneself and others," Olkhovoy said.
Decent upbringing
One of the main life lines in the development of a child is his relationship with his mother. In these relations, from early childhood, either a basic trust in the world or distrust is born, the vice-president of the Russian Society of Psychologists, academician Russian Academy education, professor Alexander Asmolov. "Any sense of dignity is based on trust in the world and faith in oneself," he said.
He also believes that a child needs to be brought up with responsibility for the actions that he performs from early childhood. "Love alone without the generation of responsibility will not lead to the formation of attitudes of self-esteem," the professor added.
A child should learn from childhood not only to be compassionate, but also to learn to be happy for the people around him, the psychologist explained.
"We know that children between the ages of 5 and 7 can empathize enough with other children when they have a misfortune. However, children are very weak at rejoicing for other children. It is no coincidence that psychologists say: people can sympathize, but only angels can rejoice" added the psychologist.
Independence and autonomy
According to the project manager of the regional public organization of the disabled "Perspective" Mikhail Novikov, a person gains self-esteem when he feels independent and self-sufficient.
"A disabled person in Russia cannot fully feel independent, and it is precisely independence that is the basis of self-esteem. Unfortunately, in our society there are a lot of barriers for people with disabilities that they constantly have to face. You always need to look for someone who who will help: climb the stairs, go down the curb, get into the building. You constantly have to look for someone's help. And it hits dignity, pride, "Novikov believes.
Nikolai Morzhin, executive director of the regional public organization "Center for Curative Pedagogics," agrees with him.
"The level of dignity of each individual person depends on the state of society as a whole. It is not so important here whether he has a disability or not," he is sure.
"It is important to find your occupation in life. Nothing raises self-esteem as much as the opportunity to earn money. When you can invite your mother to a restaurant and pay for dinner, you rise not only in her eyes, but also in yours too," says Novikov.
He also noted that the development of inclusive education, when children with disabilities can learn together with their healthy peers, will allow children with disabilities to realize their full potential. Specialized remedial schools and boarding schools, he says, can lead to the suppression of a child's self-esteem.
"Children in the boarding school are obliged to listen to the teachers in everything, follow the routine, not argue. And most importantly, no one perceives their own opinion," he is sure.
An important role, according to him, in the formation of personality is played by education.
“Recently I witnessed an unpleasant scene. Mom brought her son with cerebral palsy to rehabilitation classes, and I was struck by her conversation with the child. She told him: “Get used to it, now we have to crawl like this all our lives” ... The child cries, she is severe and constantly with him reminds him of his disability. This, of course, is wrong," Novikov said.
2 346 It is your birthright to develop your ego and soul. To develop self-esteem, we must wake up and grow. But what does it mean? To grow up is to mature psychologically and create a clear identity or ego. The sense of self, also known as the ego, is the way we think about who we are. It is a way to differentiate yourself from other people. It is the biological, psychological, emotional and spiritual destiny of all people to create their strong self. For those who want to develop a stronger sense of self, here are some suggestions on how to do it. Loneliness may sound like a scary word or idea, but it's actually a very nourishing practice. Making space to be alone is the best first step to developing a strong personality. How often are you really alone (without technological distractions) or people around you? The benefit of spending time alone is that it creates space for you to listen to your inner self. Being alone means that all external distractions are put aside and you stay with yourself. For some, this may sound intimidating. Subconsciously, many of us are afraid of being alone, but try to gently work through this discomfort and realize that time by yourself is absolutely essential in order to develop self-esteem. Find ways to be alone with yourself and explore your inner world. For this activity, you will need a piece of paper and a pen. Divide your page into three parts: one section for your likes, one section for your dislikes, and a final section for your values. In the Likes and Dislikes section, remember those moments in your life when you felt either extremely happy or extremely unhappy. You can also think about what traits you like and dislike in other people. Write down your discoveries on a piece of paper. You can also reflect on the quality of your role models as well as your enemies. What do you like and dislike about each? Write down your thoughts. Values are what you respect and value most about yourself and others. Examples of values include generosity, honesty, kindness, and so on. Our values are unique to us and come from our hearts and souls. To unlock your values, think about times in your life when you felt most proud of yourself and write them down. What qualities motivate your behavior? Write down your answer. By creating strong boundaries, you strengthen your self-esteem by determining what is good and what is not good in social situations. You can also pay attention to any people in your life who often overstep your boundaries. Pay attention to how you feel about each person in your life - whether they support you and lift your spirits, or whether they drag you down. When you feel exhausted, depressed, or unhappy after meeting a particular person, consider limiting your contact with them. You have every right to take a step back, make the rules and say no. Your time and energy is a finite resource, so make sure those who drain it are a long distance away from you. Too much work can be a form of socially acceptable escape. When we focus on achieving goals and being productive, we are simultaneously diverting attention from ourselves and directing it from outside. There is nothing wrong with being an effective member of society. But have a balance between your work life and your inner life. Consider simplifying your life, at least for a while. Reduce your obligations and do only what is necessary. Spend the rest of your free time exploring yourself and developing self-knowledge. One great way to develop a solid sense of self is to practice mindfulness and meditation. Mindfulness helps you reconnect with the present moment and how your mind, heart, and body are feeling. Meditation helps you pay attention to your inner thoughts. Try experimenting with both methods. If you have low self-esteem, chances are that you are living on the idea of success, happiness, and fulfillment that others have given you. Don't worry, it's completely normal, plus you have the ability to change it. You have the ability to see that you don't have to be rich or popular to be successful - YOU define success. You have the opportunity to see that you don't have to have an unusual job or a big family to be happy - YOU define happiness. You don't have to be spiritually elevated to experience satisfaction - YOU determine what it means to you to be satisfied and happy. Your life is in your hands, and don't let anyone try to tell you what you should do, feel, think, or strive for. YOU can say "no, it's not for me". Your personality is unique and multifaceted - and there are so many ways to explore it! Dive into the mechanism of your ego is exciting, and today there are so many books, seminars, articles on the Internet that encourage self-reflection. Because it is a fun way to get to know yourself better. Poor self-esteem means that you tend to empathize too much with others in order to take responsibility for their feelings and actions. Stop it. Realize that the only person you are responsible for is yourself. Your parents, friends, colleagues, children, and partners are ultimately responsible for your own happiness - it's not your job to make them happy. They are responsible for making themselves happy. With the exception of small children who need constant guidance, those who have grown and matured must control their own lives. By trying to take responsibility for others, you deprive them of the opportunity to learn an important life lesson: we all need to be sovereign and in control of our views, feelings and actions. It's not your job to be friends with everyone, take care of everyone, save everyone, or make everyone happy. Keep reaffirming this to yourself and it will be easier for you to strengthen your personality as you will no longer be giving all this energy to others. What turns you on? What makes you feel alive? What activities do you like? By exploring your passions, you are helping the ego development process that we all have to go through. Pay attention to what hobbies or skills grab you and draw you to them. Give yourself permission to follow these passions and see where they lead you. As Carl Jung - the great proponent of developing a healthy sense of self - once wrote: “I carefully avoided all the so-called holy people. I did this because I had to deal with my own truth, not accept from others what I could not achieve on my own ... I must shape my life from myself, from what my inner being tells me or what nature brings to me ." This quote epitomizes the essence of what it means to develop a strong sense of self. Having a healthy ego means believing in yourself and listening to your own truth. Developing a strong personality involves a certain level of will or will power. You must be willing to ask questions about how others are trying to influence you and ask, "Does this feel like it's true for me?" and “Do I think this is right?”. Over the course of your life, you will inevitably be presented with numerous points of view, beliefs, values, and ideals from other people that do not seem authentic to you. In order to distinguish between what appears to be genuine and false, you must ask questions and pay attention to your inner feelings.Your self-esteem is the identity you carry every day all day long - it's your sense of "this is me" and "this is not me".
1. Learn to be alone
2. Be clear about your likes, dislikes and values
3. Set Boundaries and Learn to Say No
4. Stop busy and tune in to yourself
5. Redefine what success, happiness, and fulfillment mean to you.
6. Learn more about your personality
7. Take responsibility only for yourself (not for other people)
8. Explore your passions
9. Be a rebel: question everything
Reading time: 3 min
Self-esteem is a person's inner self-awareness, which has a visible manifestation in the behavioral sphere, reflected by a high assessment of one's own social value and rights. Has close semantic connection with self-respect, self-esteem and the concept of one's own self, located on high level, but at the same time they are not identical, since in these close concepts a greater emphasis is placed on a person's perception of himself, while dignity always appeals to the external society.
Self-esteem in relationships (whether intimate, child-parent or official) always predetermines a decent level of human behavior, high demands on oneself and the participants in the relationship. Such requirements are the calmness of the dialogue and decency of actions, the guidance of moral principles and the manifestation of respect even in the form of appearance(by keeping neat). With the seeming pressure of demands and obligations, a person full of dignity can behave much more freely than the average representative, going to own desires in a virtuous way and showing excellent manners and upbringing. Such people can open any door, because they know and appreciate their strengths, know how to deal with the weak and are able to present themselves to the outside world in such a way that these qualities are appreciated, without humiliating other people and trying to stand out, denigrating them.
Knowing the norms of behavior with you is a condition in order to begin developing self-esteem, accepting or rejecting interaction from people, depending on its compliance with yours. internal criteria possible. This category is not innate, but is formed or hardened under the influence of the external environment, from the assessment of others (family, educators, culture), which can occur in teaching (norms, rules and human rights), conscious or unconscious suggestion (when they praise or scold a child, give assessment of his personality), when copying behavioral (parental behavior, as an example or examples of literature and cinema).
What is self-esteem
A sense of dignity is a manifestation of accepting oneself for the most part and recognizing oneself as significant person, moreover, such a self-attitude is based on a confident position and calmness, knowledge and a real assessment of one's own capabilities, as well as an understanding of the value of any human personality. Some may confuse such a feeling with pride or, where the prerequisites for feeling valuable and significant are the desire for exaltation, constant comparison, which causes emotional swings and loss of confidence.
Self-esteem in a relationship allows you to appreciate yourself and appreciate the other, to choose something based on your own worldview, and not under the pressure of manipulation or competitive strategies. There is no desire to do something for the sake of pleasing others or confirming one's own significance, a person understands his importance a priori and such an understanding does not rely on external sources. This is similar to a mature relationship, where caring for others will be done from one's own internal motives of compassion or love, but not for the purpose of earning a good attitude, where difference is allowed and supported in both directions (i.e. a person will not give up living conditions or his rights for the sake of maintaining good relations, but will not encroach on the rights of another).
An important internal point is the desire to remain oneself and maintain a calm and firm position, not sinking to empty accusations, sorting things out with the help of shouting and threats, turning to intrigues and gossip as ways to influence the environment. Due to the lack of a competitive moment, calmness, confidence and self-knowledge, such a person cannot be offended, because he clearly understands who he is and who he is not (you will not be offended or argue with someone who calls you an antelope and take it seriously) . Honesty with oneself, an open recognition of weaknesses accompanies decent behavior, then a person can insure himself in advance in unstable moments, when the behavior looks like everything can be solved independently and cope with any problem, then this is already, which is sometimes good, but does not reflect an entirely adequate perception myself.
Such an attitude towards oneself is reflected by an effective manifestation of love for oneself and one's desires, since it is largely aimed at ensuring a quality standard of living. The need to look after appearance (not only at important events, but even on weekends, sitting at home), take care of health (not only buying medicines, but also providing quality rest, a rich diet, etc.), will buy only high-quality goods (without the desire to save because he knows he deserves the best). The same goes for the choice of work and friends, partners in life and ways to build relationships. A person who feels worthy will not be in an unworthy place, engage in low deeds and associate with lost people.
How to develop self-esteem
The development of self-esteem occurs in childhood, under the influence of the environment, and by the beginning of adult life it is a formed category, but not stable, so this sense of self can be either lost (if you get into frustrating conditions for a long time) or developed.
In adulthood, the formation of a sense of worthiness occurs on the basis of self-attitude, and accordingly, work must begin from this position. Initially, you will have to objectively evaluate yourself, get to know yourself (perhaps, for this you will need feedback from people around you who consider some of your shortcomings to be advantages and vice versa). This stage is needed to clearly define who you are in order to move away from imposing the opinions of others and switching this assessment to internal control, instead of spontaneous external control. The courage to recognize and accept oneself along with shortcomings gives a powerful inner strength and the change vector. It is important that the intentions of change (if any are suddenly started after a review of one's qualities) are carried out in accordance with internal guidelines, and not the convenience of other people. Counting your victories and good qualities, changes on the way to better side it’s worth doing it visually (you can write it down, you can score ten achievements and arrange a holiday or pampering for yourself) - such events increase.
You will have to fight the desire to compare yourself with others, it is acceptable to compare yourself with yourself (at the beginning of the path or with where you are striving). To make it easier, for the first time, you can turn off the news feed on the social network with profiles full of photos of success, or you can consider each catchy comparison as an experience of self-discovery. You can analyze your mental victories over someone on the subject of what this victory gives for the inner feeling, how it can be applied. You can also work with comparisons in a negative direction, fishing out your desires and needs from envy, and possibly images of conformity imposed by someone.
Listen to your desires and try to fulfill them, the constant postponing of your joys for the sake of others greatly inhibits the emergence of self-esteem, because every time, albeit for important reasons, someone else is worthy of happiness more than you. If you want to drink sea buckthorn tea in silence now - buy sea buckthorn, brew tea, close the door to the room with a no-entry sign. And the world will not collapse, even if you have a small child, a project deadline, or a girlfriend in a tantrum in the kitchen.
Since childhood, many have been taught modesty, devaluing compliments and hiding what is available (even material, even trips, even achievements). Such strategies of behavior make you value yourself less and shrink in size, trying to be worse, telling about successes only to those closest to you. But self-worth means accepting praise sincerely and joyfully, talking about your achievements, without depreciation. The attitude towards you and the value for society depends on your self-presentation. If you want a good relationship, feel that you deserve it - speak well of yourself. And you can start from the opposite and form a worthy attitude with stories about your positive qualities, which will automatically tighten your inner self-esteem.
In the meantime, this feeling cannot yet resist violators from the outside, then limit the circle of people and areas of communication where violations of human rights, freedoms and dignity are possible, where there are caustic and depreciating remarks, where your boundaries are violated, loading beyond measure in order to free your own time. It is not enough to cultivate such an attitude in oneself; one must get rid of the factors that contribute to the destruction of such an adequate self-perception.
Speaker of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"
