How to become easier in communication with people. Secrets of easy communication with nasty people
More than half of the inhabitants of the planet Earth experience difficulties in communication. This is an incredible fact. It would seem that the 21st century is in the yard and people have long learned to freely contact each other. But no, on the contrary, more and more individuals withdraw into themselves, close themselves off from others. Maybe this happens because man is still part of the animal world? And like any other animal, it instinctively fears strangers. On the other hand, man is a social being. To live within the society and communicate with its members - isn't this the natural essence of each of us?
Undoubtedly, each person has a certain social circle: these are his relatives, friends, acquaintances. But not everyone understands that a circle is a closed space, the limit of its relationship. We are afraid to go beyond this circle. Often, the mere thought of a possible contact with a stranger leads us to complete confusion, bordering on confusion. Fear prevents communication with other people, the development of friendships outside the circle, in fact, limits our social opportunities.
Whatever it was, you need to be able to communicate. Communication can be learned. Learn not only to overcome the fear of communicating with strangers, but also to benefit and enjoy it.
For successful development of communication skills, it is necessary to go through several initial stages. First, comprehend the benefits of communication. Secondly, learn not to be afraid of misunderstandings, rejections or conflict situations. Third, begin to break down your fears empirically. After all, everything comes with experience.
To start a conversation with a stranger First, you need to change the way you think. An outsider is a person from outside, outside your circle. But this does not mean at all that he is your enemy and you should be afraid of him. You just have to overcome the fear and start communication, you will see that people are open and friendly. They are ready to accept you into their community and interact with you.
How much useful can be learned in the dialogues! Communication means not only having a good time, but also exchanging information, developing your social skills. Communicating, you can get business contacts, patrons, teachers. And you can achieve something more valuable: friendship, love, a new family... It's hard to argue with such arguments.
Appropriate response to rejection.
Once you've mastered the benefits of talking to strangers, it's worth learning how to react appropriately to rejection.
It often happens that after a sudden refusal or a rude answer, you try to gradually restore the moments of the conversation. Literally engaged in self-discipline, trying to understand what you did wrong. But do not worry and think that you can not cope if the interlocutor refused you, was rude, or even directly ignored. Perhaps your opponent was in a bad mood, feeling unwell, or just busy. In most cases, the negative reaction is not to a specific person, but simply to an external stimulus. Acutely perceive such behavior, means to feel insecure. Uncertainty is not the best help in the art of communication.
It also happens that you or your thoughtless remark really caused a negative reaction. And in such a situation, you should not take the rejection to heart, because a negative experience is also an experience. Try to better model the possible course of action, in order to avoid similar errors in the future. Analyze your behavior and appearance: what could push you away? Having made the appropriate conclusions, strive for self-improvement, work on yourself. The main thing is not to “go in cycles”, otherwise you will again come to fear and uncertainty.
It is well known that it is difficult not to do, but difficult to start. In a situation where you need to talk to people, and even more so to strangers, this moment is especially important. When trying to start a conversation with a stranger, do not think about how ridiculous you may look and how you would not "blur something." Stay calm and confident. Self-confidence always makes a proper impression on the interlocutor.
Assertiveness in the speech of an inept opponent does not always sound pleasant. Therefore, if you have a closed character by nature, do not try to take it in a rush, it will look unnatural.
Try to start with non-verbal communication. Looking into the eyes, smiling at the person, or simply raising your hand, you will let him know that you want to talk.
It is not always possible to think over words and a topic for conversation in advance. In such cases, to start a conversation, you can make a compliment, express your opinion on some interesting occasion. Perhaps the conversation will start by itself if you notice someone's work, share someone's opinion, or simply compliment the appearance.
Nothing encourages conversation like a positive attitude and a good sense of humor. Tell a joke or joke. Amuse the interlocutor with a case from life, and you will see that the response story will not keep you waiting.
It is important that in a conversation you not only listen to the person, but also be heard. It is necessary to go beyond the circle of acquaintances, to make communication limitless. Overcome your shyness and try to take the first step to make contact. And with experience comes skill.
You can develop good practical communication skills at a training session or at an individual consultation with a psychologist. Sometimes even a one-time consultation gives a powerful development and removes the key cause of the difficulties that have arisen. Call.
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There is an opinion that it is impossible to teach a person to communicate. Like, the ability to talk to people is some kind of genetically inherent ability: either given or not given. But in last years psychologists actively refute this stereotype and boldly declare: communication is exactly the same skill as dancing, singing or cooking. And just like in the development of any skill, there are certain exercises to practice.
We are in site today we have collected for you 8 unusual exercisesthat can make even the most shy introvert talkative. These are not just exercises to improve speech, but a whole range of activities that help you learn to think while talking and build a fascinating dialogue.
1. Retelling
For what: You learn to think and speak at the same time. The connection between thought and speech is strengthened.
How to perform: Open your favorite blog, find any article, choose any 2-3 paragraphs from it. Read them and retell them aloud to yourself. Then - the next few paragraphs, and so on until the end of the article.
Exercise duration: Depends on the length of the article. You need to retell 1 article per day.
2. Continuation of someone else's thought
For what: You learn to look for non-standard solutions, develop flexibility of thinking.
How to perform: Turn on the TV or any video on the Internet. Listen to the speaker for 30 seconds, then turn off the sound and develop his thought for 30 seconds.
Exercise duration: 5-10 minutes a day.
3. The mystery of Lewis Carroll
For what: Break your own stereotypes, habits of thinking in a certain way.
How to perform: The riddle that Carroll came up with is: "How is a raven like a table?" The exercise is based on it. It is advisable to do it together, so as not to juggle more “convenient” items for yourself. One calls any word, the other calls any other word, between them you insert the question: “How are they similar?” It turns out something like “How does the closet look like a rabbit?” Sit and look for options.
Exercise duration: You should start with 10 pairs.
4. Lecture to anyone about anything
For what: Fishing out inapplicable information from memory, you train your memory. Make your thinking process more flexible.
How to perform: The exercise is done in pairs. You choose any object from those that surround you and tell the interlocutor about it. How did he appear? Why is it important on a human scale? What is it used for here in this room? With regular practice, you will soon be able to close an hour-long lecture about an eraser, a chair, or a cupboard door.
Exercise duration: Start with 5 minutes.
5. Dialogue with a mirror
For what: You observe yourself from the outside, learn to speak coherently about your thoughts, and establish contact with yourself.
How to perform: The task is to, looking at yourself in the mirror, fish out any thought from the mind and develop it aloud. That is, you approach the mirror, start thinking and talking about what you think. Move smoothly from thought to thought, connecting them with each other. After a while, you will start to get a coherent and sincere story about what is spinning in your head.
Exercise duration: 10 minutes a couple of times a week.
6. Talking with your mouth full
For what: One-time improvement in diction before the "speech".
How to perform: There are different options here. You can put an ordinary spoon on your tongue or a handful of nuts on your cheeks and try to pronounce the words as clearly as possible.
Exercise duration: Enough 7-10 minutes.
If you began to be asked more and more often the question of why you are silent all the time, something urgently needs to be changed in life. But how to become sociable and interesting person if by nature you are modest and shy? Finding a topic for conversation is a real test for you, and speaking first with a stranger is beyond your strength. What to do? How to become easy to communicate? Start changing right now.
Why do communication difficulties arise?
There are several reasons why people become withdrawn and silent:
- Wrong upbringing. Someone came up with the term natural shyness, and they began to cover up all the existing problems. However, people are social beings. The exchange of information is the most important "weapon" in the struggle for survival. Human psychology is such that he is interested in everything new and unusual. People's interest in the news is caused by a subconscious desire to learn a lesson for themselves in case the same happens to them. Therefore, by nature, all people are sociable to a greater or lesser extent. However, upbringing and negative experience of socialization makes its own adjustments. If the parents led a closed or antisocial lifestyle, the child simply does not have a model of interaction with other people, that is, he has not learned to be friendly and communicate normally. In childhood, these problems may not be as pronounced, as other children will be drawn into the conversation. But with age, when the initiative will have to come from the person himself, communication problems can manifest themselves.
- Negative experience. Often, the elders close their mouths to an enterprising child or teenager so as not to interfere. Peers may tease with offensive nicknames. Sometimes an adult begins to be bullied by others, expressing doubts about his competence or intellectual development. And how to become an open and sociable person in this situation? Usually such a person becomes isolated and even communication with well-disposed people is given to him more and more difficult. He is shy to speak out.
- Low level of intelligence. How less people knows, the fewer subjects he has for discussion and communication, the narrower the circle of people who are ready to conduct a dialogue with him. Sociable people are aware of all events and news.
- Traits. This point may seem to contradict the above. Not at all. There are people whose need for communication is lower than the rest. Both an introvert and a phlegmatic require less communication than the same extrovert. The main difference between an introvert and a shy one is that the former is not shy at all, and he has no communication problems. If desired, he easily finds a common language with unfamiliar people, does not feel oppressed in a strange company and is not burdened by the lack of a topic for conversation, left alone with someone. This is what distinguishes him from a closed person. It is the latter who should change his character and become more open to people.
- Dissatisfaction and embarrassment. These traits make it difficult to establish any social relations. Hinder friendship, career, love. How to become more cheerful and sociable to an insecure person? Only by increasing your self-esteem and self-respect. Find the best in yourself and develop those traits. Tell yourself: “That’s it, I’m becoming confident, fun and interesting.” And good luck!
How to develop communication skills?
It should be remembered that sociability or sociability is not so much a property of character as a skill. And here the same laws of development apply, as with any other skill. If you have spent your whole life sitting at the computer, it is possible that you will fall out of the race in running competitions. However, the situation will change if you practice running daily for a long time. If you do not train your memory, soon you will not be able to remember a piece of the most banal text. The same applies to communication.
A sociable person is in constant contact with others. But having once become a hermit, you will not be able to suddenly return to society and be a ringleader. However, daily communication will help to significantly improve communication skills. How to become talkative? Where to begin? From the simplest:
- Greet your neighbors, ask them how things are, how the health of their children, parents, what's new in their lives. In no case do not let yourself be drawn into intrigues, do not support or spread gossip. This can push people away from you, and you will find yourself further from the goal than when you were a hermit.
- The next step on how to develop sociability in yourself is simple. Talk to strangers: in line, at the bus stop, with sellers. Do not be shy! In the market, you can ask if the trade is going well. At the bus stop, how long ago was the minibus you needed. Complain that public transport began to walk worse, or be glad that the situation on the roads has improved. It's good to remember a story from life, for example, how a person sued a transport company because of the lack of air conditioning. In line to see a doctor, you can talk about the pros and cons of paid and free clinics, tell something interesting about foreign medicine (having previously studied the issue). However, you should not speak negatively about your doctor and talk about your sores. Such people are not liked.
- Many trainings on the topic “How to become a sociable person” suggest talking to passers-by on the street. Come up with a non-existent poll. For example, how people relate to the sterilization of homeless animals. Or should children be allowed to be adopted? foreign citizens. Choose any hot topic from the news and monitor public opinion. If you don't have a poll topic on your mind, scour the internet and pick a topic from polls conducted by professional journalists. Be sure to ask the person why he holds such an opinion. Try to present your arguments. This is the easiest recipe on how to become more sociable and make friends easily.
You need to practice your communication skills daily. And after some time you will understand how to be relaxed, friendly and sociable in any company.
Universal topics of conversation
How to become easier in communication and be an interesting interlocutor? For this you need to work hard. First, decide on topics that are close to you.
For example, animals. Almost everyone loves them. Even if you run into someone who hates animals, you will have something to argue about. Start collecting Interesting Facts about animals, anecdotes and stories. This will help you come across as funny and stop being shy. Study the opinions of animal rights activists and their opponents. Watch discussion shows. They will help you understand how to become a good conversationalist.
It is important for you not to become a walking encyclopedia, periodically issuing disparate information. To be interesting, you need to involve others in the conversation. A sociable person always seeks to draw others into the discussion. Therefore, the approach even to such a simple topic should be versatile. It can be viewed through the prism of psychology. For example, discuss a man who, feeling angry at his wife, kicks her cat on the sly. Raise social problems, such as doghantry or grannies, containing dozens of half-starved cats, etc. You can submit this topic under a humorous "sauce". Only a variety of angles of view will help you keep the attention of your interlocutors and become more talkative.
Here is another example of how to develop sociability using a common topic. Health is a universal topic. You can talk with young people about healthy nutrition, vitamins and antivitamins, with representatives of the older generation - about herbal medicine. Study the issue comprehensively. It is not enough to know that chamomile is brewed for coughs. Every medal has two sides. Herbs have benefits, but there are contraindications. It is not uncommon for an ambulance to fail to save people after their harmless herbal teas. Study such cases. Take an interest in newfangled diets, their reverse side, uncontrolled intake of hormones and anabolics. Tell about it. However, beware of becoming an argumentative person.
Expand your social circle
If you don't have a hobby, you need to start one. For example, you can become a cactus grower, grow outdoor flowers, go in for sports, cook, edible decorations, design, photography, or make furniture and toys for animals. This will help you become useful. You can share information with friends and give practical advice. Everyone loves useful information, even those who will never use it. In addition, in the process of mastering a new activity, you will make new friends.
Communicate on thematic forums. These could be fantasy series fan forums, computer games, romance novels or robotics enthusiasts. Study people's opinions on various issues, learn to argue your point of view. Forums are a good communication skills trainer. There you will have no other way but to become a sociable girl or guy. The downside of virtual communication is that it can tear you away from the real one. To prevent this from happening, discuss what you find in the virtual space and in person with friends.
Still not sure how to become sociable and confident? Join an organization. It can be a volunteer organization, a thrill-seeking club, a house committee. Sign up for a driving course foreign language or trainings. Any community is made up of people connected by a common cause. Common goals and interests always unite, and where there are common interests, communication is given easily and naturally.
Mistakes in communication
To understand how to become more sociable, but at the same time not overdo it and not alienate the interlocutors, consider the following mistakes. Think about which interlocutors you dislike the most? Most likely, the so-called professional mothers, cat lovers and sectarians will fall into this category. Why? Yes, because their horizons are either limited or temporarily narrowed to one topic.
Are you a young mom and do not know how to become more sociable? Do not focus on children's topics. There are many more topics of conversation that interest you, which you simply forgot about:
- There are people who directly gush with humor. Anecdotes and stories are pouring out of them to the place and not to the place. At first, these people are interesting, but very quickly become annoying. Developing a sense of humor is essential. But the main rule of its use is relevance. An anecdote on the topic is your plus, endless anecdotes indiscriminately are a minus. Ask how to be cheerful? Parry your interlocutor's jokes. Cheerful and harmless verbal duels amuse the company.
- No one likes to communicate with eternal whiners. A positively minded person evokes sympathy and respect. He is always a welcome companion. However, there are people who even from this good quality can be annoying. A smile is a sign of location. However, the eternal smile is bewildering. If a person has an important life question, and he expects empathy from you, and instead you cheerfully answer: "Don't drift, everything will be fine." This will cause disappointment. It is not enough to tell a person that everything will be fine, it is necessary to convince him of this, to express words of support and empathy. And only then give a positive.
- It happens that a woman who used to be shy of people, not knowing how to learn to be relaxed and talkative, begins to fawn and lisp with everyone. She is sure that this is the only way to please. However, this is annoying. Even the most sociable person, who lavishes cloyingly sweet speeches flavored with a sea of compliments to everyone and everyone, will be poorly received by society.
- When dealing with people, don't try to bring them down to your level. For example, it is not permissible to call affectionate nicknames of unfamiliar people or those who are higher than you in the hierarchical ladder. Respect people and they will respect you.
The recipe for becoming a master of communication is simple. Broaden your horizons, bring new information, become useful, develop a sense of humor, be interested in the life of the interlocutor, let people speak out, do not try to pull the blanket over yourself. Avoid familiarity, obsession and tediousness. And you will always be welcome in any company.
